Olly Alexander’s stage presence and his band’s lyrics pulled together the two sides of my nature, and accept my desire for men
I
first discovered Olly Alexander, of Years & Years, by accident. I was teaching English as a foreign language in South Korea, and I showed a video of a BBC Glastonbury roundup on the projector as part of the lesson. I remember glimpsing an incredibly cute blond guy on stage, and being transfixed. I knew immediately that he was gay because the way he moved was unashamedly fluid and graceful. He was doing a pirouette.
The clip was so short there wasn’t even a mention of the name of the band, so I had to do some detective work. I Googled something ridiculous like “bleached hair gay man Glastonbury 2015” and trawled through hundreds of search results until I found him.
I was 24 and out as bisexual, but I had never done more than kiss a man. I grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and while my area was relatively liberal, we still used the F-slur regularly and referred to anything remotely crap or weak as “gay”. At school, I liked girls enough to distract myself from the fact that I also liked boys – but by the time I was in my final year of university, I wasn’t able to ignore my feelings for men any more. I told friends and family I was bisexual, but I did it in an almost aggressive way. My attitude was: “I’m bisexual and if you have a problem with that, I don’t want to hear about it.” Looking back, I think I was being defensive: I didn’t want to discuss my sexuality because I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it yet.
