It’s not the sisterhood busting your balls, fellas – it’s the fossil fuel interests making money from the tonnes of synthetic garbage spewed on to the planet every day
There is plastic in your balls!
Surely this should be headline news every day until the news breaks that “there is no longer plastic in your balls”, accompanied by photographs of celebration parades and ecstatic couples kissing in the streets.
It shouldn’t require the “angle” of a global plastic pollution treaty conference this week to edge it back into the media. It shouldn’t oblige a report in medical journal the Lancet on Sunday revealing that the health effects of plastic in the environment are “causing disease and death from infancy to old age” and are responsible for at least US$1.5tn every year in health-related damages.
It should only require you looking at your own balls or – with consent – the balls of someone you truly, deeply love and value, then realising, holy shit, there are microplastics in there. Of course, maybe you live your life balls-free – but perhaps you know a dog? If that dog has balls, then I have terrible news: the scientists who found microplastic particles in every single human testicle in their study found them in all the dogs’ balls, too.
