Narcissists have an uncanny ability to get through to you, even when you’ve made an effort to create some distance between you and them.
To sidestep any communication boundaries you’ve set, they’ll often employ a third party ― a friend you have in common, your sibling or other parent if it’s your mom or dad that you’re dealing with, or a fellow coworker if your narc is in the workplace.
Online ― in subreddits and Facebook groups where people detail their experiences with narcissists and emotional abusers ― this third party is sometimes called “a flying monkey” or the narcissist’s “wingman.” If you’re not one for pithy pop psychology terms, you could just call them an enabler.
The flying monkey moniker is, of course, an allusion to the “Wizard of Oz,” in which the wily Wicked Witch of the West enlists flying monkeys to do her dirty work: capturing Dorothy and her companions, terrorizing the land of the Winkies. (We won’t classify the witch as a narcissist; who’s to say if the DSM-5 psychiatric manual even exists in Oz?)
A narcissist similarly uses their flying monkey to harass you emotionally, guilt trip you or plead their case, said Lauren Maher, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Mindfulness Workbook for Panic Attacks.”
