As I always like to say, some see the glass as half empty, some as half full. I don’t even see the glass. Welcome to the seventh annual Hater’s Ball, where I make you wish you didn’t draft anyone. Admittedly, I don’t view life through a rose-colored lens, so if you want me to say something positive, you’ll often have to settle for two negative statements. But it’s important to consider the downside of each player so we can objectively decide as quickly as possible if a slow start is just random noise or an indication of things being more permanently sideways.If you prefer to bask in the land of sunshine and rainbows, Gary Davenport invites you to the Lover’s Ball, his optimistic take on all the players below.Picks are in order of consensus of FantasyPros ADP as of Wednesday, Aug. 26.The hater’s top 501. Jahmyr Gibbs, DET, RBHow could I possibly find anything negative to say about the offensive mastermind behind the Cardinals and Browns over the past six seasons being handed the keys to the offense of our No. 1 overall draft pick?2. Bijan Robinson, ATL, RBIf the quarterback drives the offense, that means the Falcons are heading straight into the ditch no matter which banged up lefty signal-caller they choose.3. Ja’Marr Chase, CIN, WRChase has been remarkably inefficient — 7.9 yards per target with Joe Burrow last year, exactly the NFL average. And Burrow, when healthy, has a 7.1 YPA the past three years (21st among QBs). Yet we view this Cincy passing game as some juggernaut — it’s really a jugger-not.4. Puka Nacua, LAR, WRYou have to be well-versed in suspension rules when you roster Nacua. We’ll see if the NFL does anything with the various off-the-field allegations hanging over his head. And then, of course, he could just keep walking into glass doors. Speaking of which, the end zone seems to have a glass door protecting it from Nacua (a TD every 22.7 catches vs. WR average of 12.8).5. Christian McCaffrey, SF, RBSo the theory of the case is you don’t have to actually be good to be the top-scoring RB, you just need the head coach to give you the usage you’d expect a dad to give his child. CMC was eighth percentile in yards over expected per carry and 23rd percentile in yards after contact per carry.6. Jaxon Smith-Njigba, SEA, WRThe last time we had a one-man passing offense like JSN in Seattle in 2025 (44% of passing yards) was Brandon Marshall in 2012 (45.7%). The next year, Marshall dropped down to 30%. I will give the market credit for pricing this regression in.7. Jonathan Taylor, IND, RBMost great rushing TD seasons like Taylor’s in 2025 regress the next year, but Taylor got a head start on that by regressing in the second half of 2025 (just three of his 18 TDs). To draft Taylor, you have to believe that Daniel Jones is capable of leading a top-10 offense coming off his torn Achilles injury.8. Amon-Ra St. Brown, DET, WRMy grandmother used to tell me when I complained about being bored that, “There are no boring things, only boring people.” Drafting St. Brown seems boring. It’s like investing in an index fund.9. James Cook, BUF, RBOkay, so he’s off the field nearly over 40% of the time. Snaps? We don’t need no stinkin’ snaps! He’s also tallied fewer goal-line TDs (11) the past two years than his QB (13). As long as the Bills get a league-leading 11 more goal-line TD runs than the median again, we’re good.10. CeeDee Lamb, DAL, WRWho cares if he’s not as good as George Pickens. We only need Dallas to refuse to acknowledge this. And their front office is not exactly the Algonquin Round Table.11. Saquon Barkley, PHI, RBNow that he got all that regression out of the way, we only have to worry about the age-29 RB production cliff. But at least Barkley never gets the layups on the goal line to paper this over.12. Justin Jefferson, MIN, WR“His quarterback now is bad, but not THAT bad!” That’s what Jefferson drafters shout from their slippery slopes. Kudos to the Vikings for rostering three known garbage QBs.13. De’Von Achane, MIA, RBTeams with the projected wins total (or less) that the oddsmakers predict for the Dolphins this season have averaged 1,654 rushing yards this century. Last year, Achane had 66% of Miami rushing yards. The prior two years, it was 50% per game he played. So he should get between 827 and 1,091 rushing yards if he stays healthy. He’s also on a team expected to have the least passing attempts this season.14. Chase Brown, CIN, RBHe was 10th among backs in touches in 2025 and isn’t a very efficient rusher (4.3 career yards per rush) or receiver (5.7 career yards per target), so why is he RB8? Also, Brown averages a rushing TD every 39 carries.