The author said she had to learn to set boundaries when her husband retired and she continued to work.
Courtesy of Allison Snyder.
When I met my husband, he owned an established backcountry ski and hospitality business. He loved the outdoors and exploration; they were woven into his day-to-day life.I, on the other hand, was just beginning to reinvent my career, shifting from lawyering to freelance writing and consulting. During our first five years together, I often set aside my own ambitions to help his business. In doing so, I always reasoned that his business was profitable while my career was still in the startup stage and not yet earning much money.Shifting our collective energy toward my career was one of many factors we considered when he decided to retire four years ago. At the time, he was 56, and I was 41. In explaining his decision to sell the business, he said, "It's your turn now."I thought it would be that easy, that we would quickly slide into the next phase — him having more time for fun, me having more time for work. It wasn't that simple.My husband wanted me to join his adventuresOne year into his retirement, we stood on a stretch of white sand in the distant reaches of the Caribbean. We were a few weeks into a two-month stay in one of the most beautiful places I'd ever been and, we were hours into one of the worst arguments we'd ever had. Rehashing the same misunderstanding we'd had for months, the conversation had deteriorated to absolutes."I just wish my wife wanted to spend time with me!" he said while I retorted with something about how I wished my husband wanted me to have a career.This particular clash had begun when I decided to work instead go kitesurfing, but we'd had similar disagreements over skiing, hiking, and sailing on other trips we'd taken and in our lives at home.
