Joachim remembers Crystal from time to time. He recently heard she eloped with a gangster, and no one has heard from her ever since. He is happy his wife Emilda is far more beautiful than her and that he gets to see her every day at work and at home. It had been raining the day she landed in Bahrain wearing a yellow salwar kameez. He had been tempted to lift her and dance in the rain. He will never forget that day; the way the rain had upset her. She had been quiet for a long time, and he had tried different ways to make her speak or respond in some way. Finally, she had admitted to being upset because he had lied about the rain. “What else have you been lying about?” she’d asked. He had laughed, making her even more furious. But when they reached home, she had kissed his cheek on finding out he had gotten rid of his female flatmate for her. He had frowned, disappointed at her aim and pointed at his lips. She had then blushed and helped him unbutton his shirt, aiming for his nipple instead. A bold move which aroused and irked him at the same time. “Where did you learn to do that?” he’d said irritably, his thick eyebrows furrowed together.“Distance is a very good teacher. Every night, I imagined doing this to you. Thoo … I had forgotten your nipples were hairy!” She mock-spat. This had filled his heart with tenderness. He had drawn her closer saying, “But you don’t have hairy nipples or do you? It’s been a long time,” and slipped his hands under her blouse.He misses those days when it was just him and her. It’s almost as if Caryn’s birth has jinxed their chemistry. Earlier, Joachim and Emilda had found happiness with each other, listening to the radio and talking to each other until the sun rose. He had been warned – starting a family during the war would be unlucky. The Gulf War was unpredictable, but they were determined. They waited for the end of the war and Caryn was born, right on time, as planned. Joachim had first thought a child born in the Gulf would automatically be eligible for citizenship but that was him being foolish. This isn’t America. Neither he, Emilda or Caryn will leave any trace of themselves in the Gulf. They must go back someday. Maybe things will change when Caryn grows up. Now, every day is a gamble. They can be replaced any day. He has brought Caryn to the office as his boss is out of town. He has given her a few discarded drawings of villas and a couple of highlighters to play with. He tries to explain the design of a villa to her as if it were her dollhouse, but she moves away from him, choosing to linger by the cabinet of labelled files instead. He can’t afford to have her mess up the filing. His boss would be upset. He feels sad for her. She hasn’t experienced outdoor life the way he had in Mangalore. But she’s a girl. What would she do outdoors? Maybe he should invite some of her classmates home. Maybe being at the babysitter’s will eventually develop a more social personality in her. He needs his morning tea, and Emilda will be upset if he asks her to look after Caryn because she’s busy. He finds Manoj, the office boy, cleaning the sink of the pantry when he comes in and asks him to spend some time with the child while he makes himself a tea. Joachim looks at the dishwashing liquid in the bottle and at the sponge beside the tap. The sponge has strands of hair and brown curry stains. He is tempted to ask Emilda for the sponge she keeps in her drawer, but he doesn’t want to disturb her. He runs water over the sponge, squeezing it to get rid of all its dirt. The hair doesn’t budge. He pulls them out with his fingers and tries to put them in the dustbin, but they land on its exterior. He lets them be. He washes the sponge again. Satisfied, he pushes the sponge inside his cup. He places the water kettle under the water dispenser in the corridor only to realise it’s empty. A new employee passing by offers to replace the empty gallon. Joachim has random people doing kind deeds for him. He knows now it’s because of Emilda. They all want to be on her good side. Who wouldn’t want to be when she is dealing with your salary? When the young man lifts the gallon, Joachim feels a pang of jealousy at his flexed biceps. There was a point when Joachim paid attention to his looks – not anymore, not since Caryn. He thanks the fellow and fills the kettle with just enough water for his tea. He puts it back on its base to warm up. There are five teabags left in the cardboard box on the small countertop. He picks the one from the middle, the way he picks products in a supermarket, never going for the first one on display.He asks Manoj about his family in Hindi while the office boy watches over Caryn sitting on the floor and colouring the villa designs with the pink and yellow highlighters. Joachim has been practising Hindi with his north Indian colleagues. Manoj’s eyes light up. He loves talking about his family. He replies in a mix of Hindi, Malayalam and English. His daughter is getting married, and he is excited about visiting his family after ten years. He had had to stay to save up for her wedding. He wipes his hands on his uniform and adds, “The boy’s family is demanding a lot. They are thinking that I am in the Gulf. They don’t understand … can I ask you a favour, sir?”“Yes?”Manoj’s voice reduces to a whisper, and Joachim has to lean forward to hear him, “Madam is not lending me anything. I requested thrice. Madam and you both are earning. I’m the only earning member in my family. Can you give me something, please? I don’t want to create any problems. I will return it with my next salary. I promise.”“Madam” is Emilda from HR. Joachim knows they have no savings. He wants to save up for Caryn, but he can’t say no. He looks over his shoulder – the coast is clear. He opens his wallet and gives Manoj some dinars. He doesn’t know how much. He thinks it will be rude to count, and says, “I wish her all the best. Daughters really grow up quickly!” He avoids looking at Emilda’s photo while he closes his wallet.“Thank you, sir, thank you! You have a big heart. God will bless you. God will bless your daughter,” Manoj says, kissing the notes which he stuffs into his pocket. He adds, “My daughter was young when I left. She used to run around like a chicken everywhere.” After a brief pause, he says, “She used to miss me a lot until she befriended a dog in the village, and then she didn’t need me.” He laughs as if he can’t believe it. Joachim laughs along, adding, “Just last Friday … yeah, I think it was Friday, Caryn made me catch a pigeon. She loves birds. When I was younger, I used to make a small birdhouse with twigs and make noises to call the bird! But my childhood was full of fun. She feels very lonely.” He almost spills the beans on the argument that happened at home recently about getting a pet bird for Caryn, but he holds his tongue in time. Manoj reacts, “Kids here don’t have the life we had! How naughty we were! Don’t worry, don’t worry, it will be fine. She is with you, no? That’s more than enough. A girl needs her father.”Joachim smiles, almost done with making his tea. He looks away from Manoj to clean the countertop. When he turns back, Emilda is standing in the doorway. He feels guilty for giving Manoj money. “So, with what did you wash the cup?” she asks in Konkani. She likes speaking Konkani at work as she doesn’t want others to understand their conversations. “I didn’t want to disturb you,” he replies in Konkani. His face heats up. He generally avoids interacting with her at work because his colleagues think he has an unfair advantage. “Where’s Caryn? Why isn’t she with you?”“She’s with Manoj, no? There?”“Where?” Joachim looks past Emilda. The corridor is empty. Hadn’t they been here a second ago? He walks past Emilda to check the parallel corridor. “Jo! She’s not here,” Emilda’s voice booms in the corridor. Joachim and Emilda both look around frantically for Caryn. By the time they return to the pantry, a crowd has gathered near the door. Emilda snaps, “I’ll check the ground floor.” She runs down the stairs. Joachim hears whispers: “They are supposed to set an example. They do whatever they want. We can also bring our kids then.”Joachim prays he finds Caryn before Emilda does. He thinks of the film he saw on TV recently, Baby’s Day Out, and how frantic the search to find the baby was. Caryn had found the film quite funny. While Joachim had enjoyed the film, he kept thinking about how the director would have managed the baby’s mood swings. It’s one thing to shoot with adults with a script and another with a baby. He and Emilda had barely been able to manage Caryn when she was a baby. Seeing Manoj and Caryn descend the stairs breaks his reverie. Caryn holds Manoj’s hand and talks to him animatedly. Joachim lets out a sigh. “She was looking at the pigeons, sir.”“Oh my god, this girl! Thank you, Manoj!” Joachim pulls Caryn with his left hand and pats Manoj’s shoulder with his right. Emilda arrives at the same moment and declares that Caryn will spend the rest of the day with her. She goes to the pantry; the crowd has become smaller, and they greet her and Caryn. Manoj looks at Joachim, “Don’t worry, she’s fine. Your daughter is safe.” Manoj would be a good grandfather. He doesn’t drink or smoke. Whatever he earns, he saves up for his family. Joachim has not seen a more dedicated or hardworking man. Manoj confides in Joachim – he is only working for half the day today as he has to go to the Manama souq to buy sweets and textiles for his daughter’s wedding. Joachim tells him not to miss the popular shop for sweets whose name he forgets, but when he describes the location, Manoj understands.“How are you going to the souq?”“I will walk sir, or I’ll take the bus.”“What? No, I will drop you. Caryn is going to be with Emilda anyway.”“God bless you, sir.”Excerpted with permission from You Envy the Coutinhos, Michelle D’costa, Westland.