A man’s worth, in 19-year-old Jonathan’s eyes, is defined by his value as provider and protector."Women want someone they can lean on … That's what a man should be … commanding respect and being a leader," said the tertiary student, who declined to give his real name to “avoid being cancelled for being honest”.While he is aware that his views may be controversial in this day and age, Jonathan, who is single, said many of his friends and online peers share them. And to him, these sentiments are a natural result of his upbringing. His father, who works in engineering and is the sole breadwinner, handles major household decisions, while his mother has always focused on raising Jonathan and his younger sister at home.
"(My father) would always say that I need to be the man of the house if anything happens to him, that I shouldn't be weak and need to be strong," the young man recalled.Over the years, influencers and online streamers such as American Adin Ross, who is in his mid-20s, have also reinforced Jonathan's beliefs about what an "ideal man" should be like."I knew about Andrew Tate but didn't really care until he appeared on (Ross') streams," he said. "But as I watched him tell Adin to man up, I started realising that I needed to as well." Tate, who is a dual British-US citizen, is a self-described misogynist and social media influencer with millions of followers, mostly young men who believe they have been wronged by modern feminism.On the flip side, there's 44-year-old IT manager Chris Lim, who also grew up in a household of traditional gender roles, but now hopes to show his two teenage sons a different way to express masculinity.The way Mr Lim and his wife split household and caregiving responsibilities is a far cry from his parents’ division of labour in the 1980s and 1990s, when his father, a businessman, was the sole breadwinner and his mother was in charge of all things related to the home and parenting."We knew that my dad was always busy. He will try to engage with us, but he'll leave the education of the children to my mum. Whenever anything goes wrong, if the kids mess up, he will always say (to Mr Lim’s mother): 'You see, your children'.''Before he became a father, Mr Lim found himself adopting elements of the older man’s model of masculinity, which meant "sucking it up” during difficult times to project strength.But Mr Lim’s thinking shifted over the years."There's this (societal) conversation that actually, taking care of the kids is not just a mum's role ... I see it as a good thing, because as a guy I (have learnt) to identify with my feelings a bit more, and ask myself: 'What is masculinity?'" For Mr Lim, this looks like being responsible and resilient, as well as being caring, emotionally vulnerable and present with one's loved ones.
