We enjoyed Megxpat, we endured Megxit, we lived through Megxile but are we really ready for the big one?Prepare yourself for Megx-a-geddon, the return of the Duchess of Sussex to a country, a family and a public she has variously described as racist, toxic and dangerous. How could we forget her ordeal, the vileness she lived through, the horror of it all?We cannot, because she never stopped banging on about the torment. That fight about the bridesmaids' tights. Snootyboots Kate refusing her kind offer of a smear of lip balm. Prince William once pointed at her, the brute. Silenced, not silent. Not allowed to wear bright colours. NUDE PANTYHOSE!There was no end to Meghan's suffering in the House of Windsor, in our green and unpleasant land. 'Just by existing,' the Duchess seethed in a magazine interview published four short years ago, 'we were upsetting the dynamic of the hierarchy. So, we go OK fine, let's get out of here. Happy to.'So she packed up her yoga mat, her baby son and her big baby of a husband, then took a freedom flight on Huffy Airways back to her homeland. Happy to.The plan was to escape the burden of inherited wealth and privilege, to carve out a new kind of fame and fortune on the other side of the Atlantic, to become the new Michelle Obama, the next Martha Stewart, the thinking woman's answer to just about everything, from bouquet-tying tips in a luxury craft barn to shaping American politics armed only with a pair of upside-down jam tongs, a rainbow fruit platter and a bombproof belief in herself.Only it didn't work out like that, did it? Meghan never did personally discover a cure for Covid or get Taylor Swift to appear on her podcast. And now she is returning to the UK in the Hollywood horror sequel nobody wanted. Take your pick from: The Duchess Always Rings Twice, The Meg-Pire Strikes Back, Nightmare on Realm Street, The Megxorcist.She's really coming back? After everything she said about the land of stiff uppers and non-huggers? The nerve of the woman! Prepare yourself for Megx-a-geddon, the return of the Duchess of Sussex to a country, a family and a public she has variously described as racist, toxic and dangerous, writes Jan Moir As well as her lifestyle brand As Ever, the Duchess of Sussex starred in her Netflix show With Love, Meghan 'There was very little that I was allowed to do,' Meghan told Oprah during the Sussexes' sensational interview in 2021. 'So, of course, that breeds loneliness when you've come from such a full life, or when you've come from freedom.'In the same interview she also claimed the Royal Family didn't want Prince Archie to become a prince and refused him security; that she had suicidal thoughts and was not allowed to see a therapist; and also that she and Harry had a secret wedding before their wedding.Loneliness, freedom, prison, curtsies, skin colour, racists, secrets and lies; it was all going on.And after all the perceived hurts and slights, one wonders just how Meghan has managed to hack her way back through that permafrost of peeve to get to this point of homecoming. It is an incredible journey, both physically and mentally, not to mention morally. Her voyage and return to the UK makes The Odyssey look like a kiddie cartoon, a walk in the park, a breeze.No wonder a shadow passed across the sun recently. No wonder I have so many questions. What's going to happen to Doria, for a start? Is she being tossed aside like a used hibiscus teabag – or will she be moving here, too?What about all those raspberries; that tonnage of soft fruit in Meghan's back yard which we were gently encouraged to believe was used to make her mass-produced factory jams? They are not going to pick themselves, are they? Who is going to look after the bees, or the squawking hens in the garden's Chick Inn? Speaking of which, what next for those cosy mahjong nights with Oprah and the gang? And will As Ever, the world's weirdest brand – teas, jams, candles, chocolates, petals, wine, smears, insults and affronts – survive the move?More importantly, what will our favourite philanthropic jampreneur actually do when she is once more hunkered down in the rainswept misery of an island where people simply aren't stupid enough to buy her overpriced jars nor fall for her manifestation of herself as a saint in Stella McCartney?Meghan is not popular here and she knows it. A YouGov poll just last month revealed that the Duchess of Sussex is one of the most disliked members of the Royal Family, with an approval rating of only 22 per cent. The only royal who is more unpopular than her is the disgraced Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, which says it all, really. Will As Ever, the world's weirdest brand – teas, jams, candles, chocolates, petals, wine, smears, insults and affronts – survive the move? asks Jan MoirAnd one wonders, too, how she plans to flesh out her role here as a 'non-working royal'. Answer: she doesn't. I suspect Meghan (and Harry, of course) has absolutely every intention of being royal again – only now on her own terms. Just you wait.This time around, Meghan is going to be more royal than the royal icing on a royal cake served on a plate bearing the royal cypher at a royal garden party hosted by the Queen herself. Why else would she be coming back? Being royal is the last (and most lucrative) arrow Meghan has left in her quiver of dwindling options.And let's face it, the Sussexes are not going to come back here and sit on their hands in Dun Moaning when the rest of the Royal Fam are out on parade in their best bonnets at Royal Ascot or on ceremonial days such as Trooping the Colour or Remembrance Sunday. Mission creep will begin at once. Operation Imperial is already underway.Don't forget that it is Prince Harry's fiercely held belief that the Windsors were jealous of Meghan because she outshone them all at being royal. I know! His pride in his wife's supposed superior status and talents is touching – if a trifle, shall we say, rose-tinted.And if, further down the line, Meghan and Harry continue to be missing in action at high-profile events, it is the Royal Family who will ultimately look mean and petty – not the Sussexes. You can't exile the exiles if they have exiled themselves from exile, can you?Truly, you have to hand it to Meghan and Harry. Theirs is a kind of wily genius and moving back here is a masterstroke; one which puts the onus on poor Prince William to forgive and forget, to forge a new reconciliation and call a ceasefire in hostilities for the sake of the monarchy and its future. But even in the spirit of happiness and peacenik resolution, why the hell should he?The Sussexes humiliated William's wife, threw dirt at his family, made the last years of his grandparents' lives hell, along with making his own destiny ten times more difficult. Clemency is godly, but the truth is some things that are said can never be unsaid, some things that are written can never be erased, trust has to be earned not demanded – and some actions cannot be forgiven because they are simply unforgivable.Harry has said 'there is no point in continuing to fight any more, life is precious'. But he also recently remarked he could not 'see a world in which I would be bringing my wife and children back to the UK'. So who knows what to believe, least of all his big brother?'You know she does voiceovers?' Prince Harry once said to a Disney executive, pushing his wife forward during a red-carpet meet and greet, a cringe moment in our collective consciousness. Even then, back in 2019, you could feel the breadth of their mutual ambition, the high esteem in which they held themselves, the big plans they had for a glittering future.It didn't quite pan out like that in America – and now Meghan returns to the UK, having squandered all the public affection and esteem that welcomed her first time around.Her next steps will be tricky. The Duchess of Sussex must now navigate her royal status while appearing not to be cashing in – but where does she go next?Her stint as a guest judge on MasterChef Australia was hardly impressive, Nigella has scooped up the Bake-Off gig, Claudia and Tess have been replaced on Strictly. Does the Dictionary Corner celebrity on Countdown appeal?Will she pick up her patronages again, can we expect her to be cutting ribbons and planting trees and doing her dull duchess duty like all the others? Somehow, I doubt it. That was the problem in the first place.All that is known is that the Duchess of Sussex's arrival is imminent and that winter is coming, in more ways than one.Some might say that Meghan and her husband have put his family and the entire country through the reputational wringer – and that it is egotistical and selfish of her to come back.Or perhaps the truth is that she had no choice in the matter. Perhaps the couple had a deal; six years in California and then back to Blighty – because what does Harry even do in California anyway? You could sum up his achievements of the last six years in three words – learned to surf.Has Meghan come willingly? In the bleak midwinter in the Cotswolds, when it gets dark early and the rain sets in for days, it seems hard to imagine she will feel happy to have swapped the California sunshine for the drear of Middle England.Whatever the truth of the matter, she will have plenty of time to reflect upon how one's choices control destiny and the perils of returning to a changed world.Stands the church clock at ten to three? And is there As Ever honey still for tea? Only time will tell.