TUDUM …“You don’t do a documentary with a guy who wins nothing,” parps José Mourinho during the trailer for his shiny, new Netflix film, although since 2017, his sole piece of silverware is the 2021-22 Tin Pot with Roma. And while his failure to win anything with Tottenham, Fenerbahce or Benfica didn’t exactly – on paper, at least – make him the most obvious candidate as the author of that opening quote, neither does he immediately feel like the best man to put Florentino Pérez’s Death Star back on course in Madrid.And yet, here we are. Just like the cagey 1-0 wins at Chelsea after which Mourinho would come out and explain that his team played like Brazil ‘82, the Portuguese has willed the narrative into existence: Mourinho is, apparently, one of the best managers on the planet and his documentary, in which lots of retired talking heads will wax lyrical about his achievements 20 years ago, finds its way to your screens on Tuesday. And it will be lapped up. Partly because of the warm glow of nostalgia, partly because pretty much everyone in the northern hemisphere can’t bear to be outside in this heat, and partly because, for a good few years, Mourinho really was the best thing since Steffi Graf’s sliced backhand: at Porto, at Chelsea, at Inter and yes, even sometimes at Madrid.Amid all the pomp, the self-aggrandisement and the backslapping, the documentary does include a few nice little nuggets from the past, namely Mourinho’s claim that he was in line to replace Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United in 2013, before tearfully pulling out at the last minute. “I go to Chelsea in 2013 but in that period there is something nobody knows,” he teases. “When I left Real Madrid [the first time], I signed with Manchester United to go to United after Sir Alex.” Ferguson, also part of the doc, adds: “He phoned me and he was crying. And he says: ‘Alex, I can’t take it – I’ve given my word to Chelsea, and I’m not going to break my word.’ The reason he gave to me I could understand, but I was disappointed.”While some cynics would argue that simultaenously signing a contract with United and giving Chelsea his word before spontaneously bursting into tears is exactly the sort of illicit chaos that Mourinho became famous for, few would argue that he remains absolutely box office, win, lose or draw. Roll on Real Madrid, then, famously a serene meadow of footballing tranquillity where ego, pressure and scrutiny do not dare to darken the door. Netflix would be wise to get the cameras back in; this season would make one heck of a documentary.QUOTE OF THE DAY“It’s 15 years of frustration here at this club. Nobody knows that more than me … Every Rangers team is a byproduct of that frustration. The Rangers fans just want to see their team winning and so do I. And we will get there. I’m not going to ask the fans for more patience because I think the Rangers fans have been patient enough” – Derek McInnes there, now very much under the pump after his team slumped five points behind Celtic in the Scottish Premiership after just two games, losing 2-1 to Hibs at Ibrox.Early-season dejection scenes at Ibrox. Photograph: Steve Welsh/PARECOMMENDED FOLLOWINGBig Website: on BlueSpace, TikBook, Instachat, you name it.FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS