Like a remorseless Lionel Messi peppering the England penalty area with crosses, toe-curling moments came thick and fast during Fifa’s recent World Cup of Greed. Cancelled red cards, hydration breaks, that giant gaudy “Fifa” logo flashing with all the classiness of a fruit machine in an early-hours boozer. From first kick-off to last, the All-American World Cup was the tournament of infinite cringe.
But for the World Cup’s rock-bottom moment, we had to wait until the final at the joyless concrete atrocity that is the MetLife Stadium and Chris Martin’s appalling half-time show. It was during that carnival of crass that Jason Sudeikis delivered the final humiliation to World Cup 2026 as his gee-whiz Apple TV alter-ego Ted Lasso put in the cameo not a single person on planet earth had asked for.
“Jump scare” doesn’t even begin to do justice to the horrors that unfolded as Sudeikis treated the match – the World Cup final! – as a guerrilla marketing opportunity for the return of Ted Lasso for a surprise fourth season.
Up and down the “New York/New Jersey” touchline he strutted (I’m having traumatic flashbacks as we speak) before he introduced the next performer, the Carabao Cup of pop stars that is Justin Bieber. “Go out there, don’t be nervous. Nobody’s watching. Make us proud,” purred Sudeikis-as-Lasso, brimming with the sort of American optimism that makes the rest of humanity want to claw out their eyeballs. It was like being strapped to a table and force-fed mom’s apple pie through a funnel.
