An applied-humor expert explains why shared laughter can defuse conflict and deepen intimacy, while sarcasm, bad timing and jokes at a partner’s expense can erode trust"Sometimes people say, 'Enough already, let's just laugh about it,' before the word 'sorry' has even been spoken once. But humor is not a substitute for an apology. It's also not a substitute for empathy. That's why I think the order matters. First understand, then apologize if necessary, and only then laugh," said Dr. Shai Gelber, an expert in applied humor, as we discussed the pitfalls of humor in romantic relationships."Another mistake is trying to use the same kind of humor with everyone. But people are very different from one another.Gallery(Photo: Shutterstock)"Some people seek lightheartedness when they're under stress, while others first need quiet. If you truly know the person in front of you, you should know when a joke will be received warmly and when it will come across as insensitive."Another mistake I encounter quite often is the desire to 'win' with wit. It's a fascinating phenomenon. People feel that if they come up with the cleverest line during an argument, they've won. But in a relationship, there are no winners. If I walk away from an argument feeling victorious while my partner walks away humiliated, we've both lost."So what do you recommend?