You send your partner a text. Hours pass without a reply.Logically, you know they’re probably busy. But emotionally, your brain starts spinning. Are they upset with you? Did you do something wrong? Do they still love you?Most people have moments like this from time to time. But for many people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), those feelings can be much more intense, and may be tied to something often referred to as emotional permanence.Emotional permanence is a non-clinical term used to describe the ability to hold on to the feeling that someone loves, values or cares about you even when they aren’t physically present or regularly communicating with you.“Emotional permanence is not an officially recognized diagnostic symptom of ADHD, although many individuals with ADHD report experiencing symptoms that closely resemble it,” said therapist Stephanie Lewis.“Many report a lack of ability to maintain the emotional reality of a relationship as long as the individual involved is not physically present or actively engaged in communication with them. The phenomenon is much more than simply forgetting another person exists; rather it involves loss of access to the feeling of being loved, valued and/or connected to another person during short periods of time.”A delayed text, a missed call or a quiet day from a partner or friend can suddenly feel like evidence that the relationship has changed and can cause not only anxiety for the person with ADHD but also possible friction within a relationship. Catherine Falls Commercial via Getty ImagesAlthough it’s not a clinical diagnostic symptom, people with ADHD often struggle with “emotional permanence,” according to experts.How A Lack Of Emotional Permanence Affects RelationshipsPeople who struggle with emotional permanence don’t necessarily doubt their relationships all the time. Rather, they may suddenly feel as though an emotional connection has disappeared simply because it hasn’t been recently reinforced.For example, someone with ADHD may intellectually know their partner loves them, but after a day without hearing from them, begin wondering whether something is wrong.“In my work with individuals with ADHD I have met patients who intellectually understand their partner’s love for them,” Lewis said. “Yet, upon going one full day without receiving a text message from their partner, they begin to wonder whether something is wrong and/or if they have caused their partner to become upset with them.”That uncertainty can quickly snowball.“This emotional uncertainty will often result in anxiety, increased reassurance-seeking behavior or increased conflict within the relationship,” Lewis said.The same pattern can show up outside romantic relationships. A delayed response from a friend can feel like rejection. A lack of feedback from a manager can feel like criticism. Even when nothing has objectively changed, the emotional certainty that someone cares can suddenly feel precarious.Why Emotional Permanence Can Be Harder For Some People With ADHD Although emotional permanence is not part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, experts say several characteristics commonly associated with ADHD may help explain why many people with ADHD identify with this experience.Lewis points to working memory challenges, difficulties with emotional regulation and rejection-sensitive dysphoria — an intense emotional response to perceived criticism or rejection that many, though not all, people with ADHD experience.“A number of variables may also contribute to the existence of emotional permanence,” Lewis said. “For example, working memory deficits may limit the ability to retain emotional information, whereas difficulties with emotional regulation and rejection-sensitive dysphoria may increase the fear of rejection or disconnection.”Clinical psychologist Navvab Tadjvar said these challenges can make the absence of emotional reassurance feel much more significant.“Because the ADHD brain is so intensely bound to the immediate present, when the feedback stops, the internal anchor collapses,” Tadjvar explained. “Silence doesn’t evoke the possibility that the care will return; it evokes the feeling of total abandonment, leaving us helpless and all alone in the world.”That doesn’t mean someone with ADHD doesn’t understand that they are loved or cared for. But it does make it difficult for them to access emotional connection in the moment, especially when there’s a gap in communication or they’re missing reassurance.The Impact Extends Beyond Romantic RelationshipsWhile emotional permanence is often discussed in the context of dating and relationships, ADHD coach Dom Passantino, who also has ADHD, said one of its biggest impacts is actually how people see themselves.“People often flop into discussions of ADHDers’ lack of emotional permanence with the mindset, ‘They forget they’re in love if someone isn’t there,’” he said. “But it’s a lot more than that, and I feel like the darkest impacts of it are on how we view ourselves and not others.”According to Passantino, many people with ADHD find themselves craving validation from people who rarely offer it while dismissing reassurance from the people who do.“And when hypersensitivity is thrown on top, you turn these traits from upsetting to actively damaging,” he explained. “This becomes a breeding ground for dysfunctional and abusive relationships for both parties.”Justin Paget via Getty ImagesDeveloping “evidence files” full of thoughtful texts and other proof of love can be helpful for people trying to strengthen emotional permanence.How To Strengthen Emotional PermanenceLewis said one of the first steps is recognizing the pattern without judging yourself for it.“A critical first step would be the recognition of the phenomenon without judgment,” she explained.One strategy she often recommends is creating an “evidence file”: saving thoughtful text messages, kind emails, handwritten notes or voice messages from loved ones that can be revisited when self-doubt starts creeping in.“I frequently instruct my clients to develop ‘evidence files,’” Lewis added. “They may then refer back to the evidence file at times when insecurity regarding their partner increases.”She also says cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and ADHD coaching can help people learn to pause before assuming silence equals rejection and become more comfortable tolerating uncertainty.Passantino agreed that keeping reminders of positive interactions can be especially helpful for people with ADHD. He compares it to the everyday systems many people with ADHD already use to remember tasks.“In very much the same way that an ADHDer will need a Post-it note stuck on their monitor to remind them to buy milk or brush their teeth, we need to remind ourselves of the positive interactions we have with people,” he said.He said this can be particularly important for people who have spent years masking their ADHD traits and learning to question whether positive feedback is genuine.“Because we spend so much time masking, we just assume any positive interaction is fake, that people were just humoring us or being polite,” Passantino said. “Celebrating your own personality, not turning down the colors on it, is very important — it’s the classic ADHD coach mantra of ‘being yourself on purpose.’”According to Tadjvar, strengthening emotional permanence is not only an individual process; loved ones can also help by creating more predictability and consistency within relationships.“Cultivating emotional permanence requires a collective commitment to building a predictable world,” he said.He encourages partners, friends and family members to create that sense of security through small, consistent acts of communication. “Sending a quick, ‘Thinking of you, buried in work until 5 p.m.,’ text rather than going radio silent provides the sturdy, predictable scaffolding the ADHD brain needs to feel safe,” he explained.Ultimately, Tadjvar said, “Cultivating this skill is a practice of rewriting the intervals of absence: transforming silence from a terrifying void of abandonment into a secure, shared space where the connection remains safely intact.” Keep in mind that it’s important not to self-diagnose. While many people with ADHD relate to emotional permanence, Lewis stressed that it is not unique to ADHD.Similar experiences can also occur in people living with anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or attachment-related difficulties.According to Lewis, “If you find that your inability to emotionally connect with others consistently affects your relationships and/or your daily functioning, consider consulting with a licensed professional mental health provider.”