“Do you think young people should contribute something towards the household budget if they have a part time job?” an Irish Times reader contacted me to ask recently.The reader, herself a parent, was wondering whether her own view was out of touch with that of other parents, as it certainly seemed to be out of touch with the views of her now-adult child.I’ve yet to meet a teenager or young adult who thought, “Do you know what, I really want to part with some of my hard earned part-time job cash to contribute towards the cost of a boring electricity bill, mortgage, food bill, or some other household cost.”Heck, I’ve yet to meet a fully grown adult who willingly gets on board with this idea either. And yet we are with little choice because, you know, responsibilities, the enjoyment of all mod cons, and all that jazz. However, are we in fact doing young people a complete disservice if we don’t expect them to contribute something once they’re earning? Esteemed readers, I believe we are.Page one of how to be an adult – life costs money, and this is where you start paying. Irrespective of parental income. It’s part of being a grown-up, and an important skill for young people to learn ahead of venturing out into the big, bad world. There are caveats to this, I should add. If a young person, for example, only has a few weeks’ work, then they’re better saving for when the work and paycheques stop. Or, if a student is using that income to supplement their costs or rent through college, that’s fine. But, if living at home, well why wouldn’t somebody contribute something to the running of the house? Even if it’s only a token amount? [ A quick summer survival guide for parents of Irish teenagersOpens in new window ]There is so much about today’s world that infantilises our young people. Thirty-year-olds who still sleep in their childhood box bedrooms thanks to a housing market that makes renting or house ownership an impossibility - that’s a strong example. Us parents, who with the very best of intentions, and hearts filled with love, over-parent, and are slow to let their offspring find their way - we play a part in it too. Maybe everything about olden days parenting wasn’t wrong – in spite of our attempts to outrun itThere’s not a child in my house who can peel a spud properly, for one thing – including those well over 6ft. Which, considering their collective grá for both mashed potatoes and shepherds pie, is a massive failing on my part.Allow me to introduce the younger child’s equivalent of handing up money at home if you have a job. This phenomenon is known as helping out around the house. (It’s true, I may be writing this for my own children’s benefit and information).I know I’m not alone, because I asked. Far too frequently, the response I’ve received from parents when it comes to getting their children to do things around the house has been “It’s quicker and easier for me to do it myself”, followed by another one many parents will recognise, “They do it once I pay them”. Sacre Bleu...I first became aware of Irish parents’ propensity to do everything for their children when I had a French childminder some years ago. I only had the bare five children then, and she watched after their baths as all five scrambled on to the couch to watch cartoons while I went about getting them toast and milk for supper.Yes gentle reader, I was practically a domestic goddess.“Why are you doing things for them that they can do for themselves?” she asked with a distinct air of scorn. “Because I love them, and I want to look after them,” I replied emphatically with the same level of confidence with which I’d offered her a croissant the first time we met.[ Jen Hogan: Mams are the best thing since toilet roll in a pandemic when it’s Mother’s DayOpens in new window ]I have gradually begun to question the level of this looking after them over the years. There are some things that were just better about the parenting styles of the past. Yes, I said what I said. Here in the 2020s we’re navigating “big feelings” – the kids are too. And feelings matter hugely, of course they do. Open, honest, fearless conversations with our children is something we should very much aspire to. When we know better, we should do better. But maybe everything about olden days parenting wasn’t wrong – in spite of our attempts to outrun it. Yes, I’d have preferred to have more money in my student pocket, to have ironed fewer clothes at home, hoovered less, and peeled fewer potatoes. But these are understandings and life skills I brought with me to adulthood. Something we should surely also gift the children we love so much.The proof, as they say, is in the toast and shepherd’s pie.