Who would have thought death notices could be so interesting? The posts below were, briefly, among “Condolences” on RIP.ie. Screenshots by the keen-eyed were circulated, before removal.One concerns a “character” of a species now under threat. This is not met with universal regret. In the interests of anonymity, we’ll name the deceased “Patsy McGarry”.“Patsy McGarry has completed the one journey nobody thought he’d ever take without stopping to tell everyone how it should be done.“The gates of heaven reportedly remained closed for several minutes while staff carried out a full risk assessment. Witnesses say St Peter took one look at the arrival list, sighed deeply and immediately requested annual leave.“Patsy leaves behind a neighbourhood that is now expected to experience record levels of peace and quiet. Local residents have reported hearing birds for the first time in years. Property values are rumoured to have risen overnight.“He was a man of strong opinions, most of them wrong, but all of them delivered with absolute confidence. If Patsy didn’t know the answer, he’d make one up on the spot and somehow convince three other people he was an expert.“While many people leave this world surrounded by loved ones, Patsy leaves behind several unfinished arguments and at least three people still waiting for him to prove a point from 2018.“He also owes me €280 but, sure, look. Rest in peace, Patsy. Or at the very least, rest somewhere. We all know peace was never really your thing.” Signed, “A friend.”Alas, poor “Patsy”. An infinite pest. Clearly.Then, others treat condolences as something of a dating app. Names, locations and so on have been changed.“Mary, my deepest sympathy to you on your mother’s death RIP. You were my girlfriend years ago when you were at school at the convent in town. I was dating you after that too. We met in the local nightclub. I often thought of you after to see how you got on. No mobile phones that time. I think it could have been the late ’80s or early ’90s. I think we were too young to settle down but I’d like to get in contact with you again.” Here, the sympathiser gives his name, address and mobile number. Love’s young dream, if slightly frayed.Farewell, from Middle English faren wel, an expression on parting.inaword@irishtimes.com