Dear Jana,Three months ago I found out my husband had been sleeping with a woman he met on a kink app. We'd been together for 14 years and have two children, so to say my world fell apart would be an understatement.The affair itself was bad enough, but what has completely thrown me is his explanation.He says it wasn't about her at all. According to him, it all started with pornography. He admitted he'd been watching it almost every day for years without me knowing. He said over time he needed more extreme content to get the same excitement and that eventually he started craving the thrill in real life. He insists he never set out looking to cheat, but says his brain had become so wired for novelty that when he came across the app, he couldn't stop himself.He's now seeing a psychologist who apparently agrees he has a pornography addiction, and he's joined a recovery group. He's handed me passwords to everything, deleted social media and swears he's never touching porn again.Part of me wants to believe him because he's never lied to me before. The other part thinks this is the most convenient excuse I've ever heard. Plenty of people watch porn without ending up in someone else's bed.He cries every day. He says he's disgusted with himself and that if he could go back and undo it all, he would. But every time I start softening, I hear him saying he 'couldn't help himself,' and I get angry all over again because surely, at some point, he made a choice.Can porn really push someone into cheating, or is he dressing up an affair as an addiction because it's easier than admitting he simply wanted to have sex with another woman? Daily Mail columnist Jana Hocking (pictured) helps a woman who is trying to forgive her husband for cheatingI honestly don't know what to believe anymore.Questioning EverythingDear Questioning Everything,What annoys me most about cheating is that, so often, it's the person who's been hurt who pays the greater price - left carrying years of questioning and suspicion.Cheating is a cruel beast and a total mental mind f**k. So first of all, please be kind to yourself.Now, to be fair, pornography addiction is increasingly being recognised by some clinicians as a compulsive behaviour, but - and this is a major but - it doesn't switch off someone's free will. Sure, addiction can explain behaviour, but it doesn't give someone an automatic 'get out of jail free' card. Porn may have lit the fuse, but it didn't drive him to the other woman's house. Somewhere between opening that app and climbing into her bed, he made a series of conscious choices.Let's break down those choices: He downloaded an app, created a profile, chatted to someone, arranged a meeting and turned up. This tells us there was nothing impulsive about this - it was entirely pre-meditated. A woman whose husband claims he cheated because he's addicted to pornography asks Jana for advice. (Stock image)Yuck.Plenty of people consume pornography regularly and never cheat. That's why it's dangerous to blame porn alone.But he is actually right about one thing: some people do develop a tolerance. Just like alcohol or gambling, they may seek more novel or extreme stimulation over time because the old material no longer provides the same dopamine hit.Sadly, this is becoming increasingly common. It's one of the reasons we're seeing OnlyFans creators push towards more extreme 'stunt' content. It's a competitive game, and many creators are constantly trying to outdo one another to get those subscription numbers.And the fact there are now popular apps dedicated solely to connecting people with specific kinks shows that this appetite for novelty certainly isn't easing up.Now, if he had sought treatment before being caught, that would have been a much stronger indicator this was a genuine addiction. Seeking treatment after being discovered is still a positive step, but it becomes harder to tell genuine remorse from simple damage control.One thing in his favour is that he's taking concrete steps - it takes a brave man to hand over his passwords. Crying isn't proof of real change - anyone can turn on the waterworks. More often than not, people are mourning the consequences, not their actions. Time is a much better judge than tears, so focus on what he does, not what he says.The key thing you'll need to watch is whether he consistently rebuilds trust over the next few years. Trust is earned through repeated actions. It's frustrating - and frankly, unfair - that you have to be on guard. But if you've chosen to stay, don't look the other way; that's a relic of the 1950s.On the upside, and yes, I'm slightly scraping the barrel here, affairs driven by novelty can actually feel less threatening than emotional affairs. There's some small relief in the fact this wasn't an affair because he had fallen in love. He was a horny bugger with very poor self-control.You are right to pay attention to his wording, though. 'I couldn't help myself' is very different from 'I lost control of my behaviour.'Recovery experts often say relapse prevention starts with radical ownership. The people who do best are usually the ones who say, 'I chose this, and I need to understand why I kept choosing it.'So I'd focus on whether he really does take accountability (to be fair, at the moment it sounds like he is) and, more importantly, whether he can maintain that over a long period of time.Finally, remember that you're under no obligation to become an expert on addiction before deciding what you want. Whether his explanation is completely true, partly true or not true at all, you're still allowed to decide that cheating was a deal-breaker for you.Take your time and monitor.Dear Jana,I made the mistake of binge-watching all the coverage of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's wedding.Then the algorithm started feeding me old interviews where they talked about each other, clips of him cheering her on at concerts, her describing how much they support one another, and their meet-cute story. Before I knew it, I'd spent hours watching what seemed like two people genuinely obsessed with each other.Instead of feeling happy for them, I ended up feeling incredibly sad for myself.I've been married for six years and I honestly don't think my husband has looked at me the way Travis looks at Taylor... ever.There wasn't some sweeping love story. I was aware of my ticking biological clock, and so when we met, I may have been in a bit of a rush. We sped through all of it, we dated, bought a house, got married, had kids, and just kept going. A woman tells Jana she is worried about her marriage after comparing her love story to that of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce (pictured) who got married over the weekend These days we mostly talk about the kids and what to have for dinner. He barely asks how my day was, let alone tells me he admires me.Now I'm wondering whether I settled.Is it ridiculous to compare a celebrity romance to my own marriage, or has watching two people who genuinely seem to adore each other made me realise what I've been missing all along?I suddenly can't stop thinking about it.Wondering What I MissedDear Wondering What I Missed,Girl, I can so hard relate! On the flip side, as a single woman I feel like Taylor and Travis made me up my standards ten-fold.Now, is there a chance you settled? Yes. I've seen this play out in my friendship groups far more than I'd like.But don't be too hard on yourself. We women are faced with ridiculous pressure. Thanks, ageing ovaries. Throw in society's obsession with having us married, mortgaged and reproducing by a certain age, and it's hardly surprising some of us make decisions with one eye on the calendar.I've never subscribed to those rules, but I can wholeheartedly understand why so many women do.The good news is there was still a reason you chose the man you married. You were attracted to him and you clearly enjoyed his company enough to build a life with him. I wouldn't ignore the fact that somewhere along the way, he made you feel like this was the person you wanted beside you.I don't think you should be focusing on whether you settled, but more on when you both stopped noticing each other.Because the line that really got me was when you said you don't think your husband has ever looked at you the way Travis looks at Taylor.Every woman deserves to feel admired by the person she comes home to.That doesn't require private jets or sold-out stadiums. It just requires someone who still looks up when you walk into the room.Life has a habit of swallowing marriages whole. It happens so gradually that most couples don't even realise they've drifted until something - in your case, a celebrity wedding - shines a light on what they've been missing.So before you decide you've married the wrong man, I'd give your marriage every opportunity to become the one you hoped it would be.Tell him exactly what you've told me.Don't hint. Don't hope he'll magically figure it out. Tell him you've realised you no longer feel admired. Tell him you miss feeling like his partner instead of simply the mother of his children. If saying it out loud feels too hard, write him a letter.He may have absolutely no idea you've been carrying this around.And yes, we only see the glossy version of celebrity relationships. We don't see Taylor stealing the doona or Travis leaving his socks on the floor. Every couple has habits that would drive the other mad.What we are seeing, though, is something that resonates with so many women. A man who openly delights in his partner.Maybe that's why this wedding has struck such a nerve. We all want to feel adored by the person we love.I don't think that's asking for too much.