Two years ago, before I gave birth to my son, I joined my first WhatsApp group for mothers.I was nervous, but also excited at the prospect of meeting other mums and bonding over the struggles that came with caring for a baby.“A group can make you feel less lonely about pregnancy and new motherhood,” my friend, who was also pregnant, said.Well, less lonely was one way to describe the experience.The group, with over 700 members, was based on our estimated delivery date. But that was about the only thing we had in common.Everything else, from socioeconomic background to our opinions on diaper brands, confinement practices and how we dealt with hunger pangs, was different.At first, this seemed interesting and I did learn a few things. After all, here were hundreds of women going through roughly the same stage of pregnancy, asking various questions at odd hours of the day. Was this discharge normal? Which breast pump was worth buying? Who else is unable to sleep?But I realised that a community built around shared uncertainty could also become one where judgement is rampant.Barely a week after I joined, a few mums had an intense argument about babymoons. One mum in her final trimester had asked for destination suggestions and some mums commented that she was being extremely irresponsible for holidaying during that period.When the disagreement got ugly – condescending remarks flew thick and fast and there were intense debates about what made a “good mother” – I left the group.