I am 44, divorced and I do not have a pension or own my home. In fact, if I am honest, I have no real financial security and the more I have started to say this out loud, the more I have started to realise that I am not the only woman of my age in this situation.
This was not the life I thought I would be living. Ten years ago, I was married to a high earner. He took care of our finances and I took care of our three children. He paid into his own private pension and the future was mapped out, secure. That is, until it wasn’t. We separated almost exactly 7 years ago, and our divorce was finalised 4 years ago.
To anyone watching, my marriage looked like a love story. But behind closed doors, I had made myself smaller for years to keep the peace. I said yes when I meant no, swallowed down my feelings with a whisper of “it’s ok, I don’t mind”. I didn’t even realise how much of myself I had lost until it was over.
Our marriage ended very suddenly and before I really even had time to realise what was happening, there were solicitors involved and we were battling it out in court. All I wanted was to buy him out of our house. All he wanted was for me to sell it and move out. And the only thing I had to bargain with was the pension pot that just a few moments ago I was being told would take care of us into old age. He was enraged at the idea that I was entitled to a share in what he now viewed to be entirely his. And as the months passed and the legal costs spiralled, I did what I had to do to draw things to a close – and gave up my share in his pension.
