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Or sign-in if you have an account.The rules of wedding etiquette have changed over the years. One thing that has stayed the same is the guests are there to support the happy couple. Al Elmes/UnsplashSocial media protocols, honeymoon fund contributions, dress codes — wedding etiquette has probably shifted since you tied the knot. What was considered proper a few decades ago may now seem outdated or even inappropriate. Here are the new rules of engagement.Enjoy the latest local, national and international news.Exclusive articles by Conrad Black, Barbara Kay and others. 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Plus, special edition NP Platformed and First Reading newsletters and virtual events.Unlimited online access to National Post.National Post ePaper, an electronic replica of the print edition to view on any device, share and comment on.Daily puzzles including the New York Times Crossword.Support local journalism.Create an account or sign in to continue with your reading experience.Access articles from across Canada with one account.Share your thoughts and join the conversation in the comments.Enjoy additional articles per month.Get email updates from your favourite authors.Create an account or sign in to continue with your reading experience.Access articles from across Canada with one accountShare your thoughts and join the conversation in the commentsEnjoy additional articles per monthGet email updates from your favourite authorsSign In or Create an Accountor“The mistakes I see all stem from outdated assumptions,” explains Nick Bramer, co-owner and marketing director, Country House Weddings. “Modern weddings are more personalized, which means guests need a fresh understanding of boundaries and what’s expected of them.”RSVP responsibilitiesEven if you receive a printed invitation, it’s now standard to RSVP via a website or email. This helps the couple stay organized and reduces costs.“It’s a lot more efficient since we’ve gone to email. You can track it. Once guests respond, it immediately goes into a spreadsheet,” says Dawn St. Germain, who has co-ordinated both her father’s and daughter’s weddings in the past year.Don’t assume you can bring a plus-one unless explicitly stated. Even if you’ve got mother-in-law status, resist the urge to invite additional guests without consulting the couple first. And if your children aren’t named on the invitation, the wedding is adults-only.Julia Weber, an Ottawa-based content creator, recommends guests review the couple’s wedding website thoroughly before reaching out. Chances are, your question is already answered there.“A lot of those questions are last-minute, and the closer to the wedding date, the more questions you get during an already busy time,” she notes.Social media minefieldThe desire to share moments instantly has created new boundaries guests must respect. Never post photos before the couple does.“I’ve seen couples distressed when personal moments — their first kiss, first look, or first dance are posted by guests before they’ve returned from their honeymoon,” Bramer shares. “It’s their moment to share when they’re ready. Once they’ve shared photos, you can too.”If the couple requests an unplugged ceremony, honour it and put your phone away. And before posting group shots, ask. Not everyone wants to appear on social media.Money mattersThe average Canadian wedding costs between $30,000 and $42,000, according to WeddingWire Canada and The Knot’s 2025 Global Report. To minimize costs, couples lean on their networks.“Friends and family are now more involved in executing the tasks needed to pull off a wedding. People good with a computer might be able to design place cards. At my dad’s recent wedding, we tapped friends and family to be the photographers and DJs,” notes St. Germain. Dawn St. GermainIf the couple has a registry, use it. Cash gifts are now widely accepted and often preferred, particularly for couples who already live together, which, according to Canada’s 2017 General Social Survey, described 39 per cent of married Canadians aged 25 to 64. Contribution toward a honeymoon fund are equally welcome.Dress code dos and don’tsA dress code sets the tone for the event, whether it’s black tie or a specific colour palette. When a couple specifies one, it’s not a suggestion. It’s a request that should be honoured.“Guests who ignore the dress code can make the couple feel disrespected,” Bramer explains. “If you’re confused about what to wear, ask the couple directly rather than guessing.”Reception behaviourModern reception etiquette is about being a positive presence. This means pacing yourself with alcohol. And if you spot someone overindulging, step in so the bridal party doesn’t have to.It also means not monopolizing the couple’s time, which includes resisting the urge to cut in when the bride or groom is dancing with someone else.On the dance floor, read the room. Just because you’re ready to polka at midnight doesn’t mean everyone else is, or that the couple envisioned that for their big day.“You’re welcome to request songs, but realize the wedding couple would have given the DJ or band a list of songs to play. You don’t want to kill the vibe,” warns Weber.Your most important roleWhether you’re a guest, a mother-in-law to be, or part of the wedding party, your role is to support and celebrate the couple.“Modern weddings reflect modern relationships and modern values,” says Bramer. “The rules have changed, but the underlying principle hasn’t: be kind, be respectful, and remember that this day isn’t about you.” Join the Conversation This website uses cookies to personalize your content (including ads), and allows us to analyze our traffic. Read more about cookies here. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.