Dear Bel,Having hit the grand old age of 59, and still single, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me. I have been in long-term relationships, the last one ending 18 years ago when my partner started seeing someone else. Since then, I’ve dated but with little success.Four weeks ago, this 50-year-old woman came into my life through a dating app. Susan was not my normal type – as tall as me and voluptuous – but there was something about her that made me think there was potential. We are both self-employed so understand the effort it takes to keep our respective businesses running.Things were moving along nicely, we went out, spent some quality time together. When we were curled up on the sofa watching TV, she mentioned she could ‘actually purr’ because she was that comfortable lying there, snuggling up with my arms around her.In bed, we were equally comfortable, even after I explained my prostate problem. I do understand she had some insecurities but I did my best to reassure her that it was OK and she was not the problem.Then, out of the blue, she started ghosting me and I think blocked my phone – no reason why. Why couldn’t she speak directly to me? We are both adults. I could contact her through my iPad to ask but am having doubts about doing that.All I would like to know is what went wrong. Chatting with some friends, some guessed she was seeing someone else while others just said move on because she isn’t worth it. I don’t know the best thing to do.I know I’m not the best-looking bloke, but I’m a nice guy. I have my own home, a good job and a lot to offer on the relationship front.I don’t like to mess people around and so I can’t understand why other people would. Can you help? Alan The subject line of your email asked, ‘Is it just me?’ and I could feel the plummeting self-esteem behind that question. To cut to the chase – No it is not ‘just you’.Only last week I met a woman – like you in her 50s – who poured out her heartbreak to me after being cruelly let down by a man who had encouraged her to plan for a future together.In many ways, after looking back at various red flags she had chosen to ignore, she is able to rationalise that she might well have had a narrow escape. But that doesn’t stop her feeling confused and hurt.You feel unlucky in love but, this time, I think you must realise that this seemingly modern phenomenon of ‘ghosting’ is not to do with your failings but hers. For those who don’t know, ‘ghosting’ is when somebody abruptly withdraws from what might have seemed a promising relationship with no explanation at all.They ignore emails and texts and frequently block a phone number overnight, so that the hurt person has no chance at all of asking: ‘Why?’When a couple has been dating for a while this process can be very cruel indeed, and even when the relationship is fairly new it is downright rude.What it is about, of course, is cowardice. If this woman had feelings of doubt about your sex life together, if she found you too needy, if she simply decided that, after a promising beginning, you were just not right for her, she should have met you and broken the bad news face to face. That’s the only decent thing to do.But ghosting is about a person’s inadequacy or fear of confrontation or guilt about being hurtful – or all of the above, and more. Thought for the day I intend to carry on with my work which I now see as very important… I am almost 83 years old. I will die. The cause of death is birth. The only real things in life are food and love, in that order, just like our little dog Ruby. I really believe this – and the source of art is love. I love life.’David Hockney (artist, died on June 11, aged 88) They lack the communication skills as well as the courage to end the relationship in a kind and civilised way.Fairness compels me to add that, in some cases, they may be justifiably wary of a hysterical or even violent reaction – but here it seems obvious that is not applicable.I feel for your pain and what damage this has done to your already fragile self-confidence. If she hasn’t already blocked you, I see no harm in getting in touch and calmly asking if she is OK.Not a desperate, ‘What went wrong?’ but a quiet, ‘We had some lovely times, so I hope all is well with you now?’Your friends are on your side and the contradictory advice they are giving you is worth listening to.Whether or not you do contact her, the idea of moving on is certainly wisely pragmatic. What else can you do? Yet it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? You are so disappointed and sad that women don’t seem to realise what you have to offer, and it must be additionally hard because of your age.To me, 59 is pretty young, but I remember how approaching 60 can be rather a shock. But maybe it’s also time to adjust your mindset and think of ways to develop your whole self without needing a purring female. Keep trying – and I wish you luck.My brother's so hurt by his wife's betrayalDear Bel, I love my much younger brother and I’ve always felt protective of him.Four years ago, John married his long-term girlfriend – a quiet, rather nondescript person who seemed happy when she fell pregnant, causing them to bring the wedding forward.My husband and I could never see why he fell in love with her but he did, and they seemed content.They’d bought a run-down property which they had worked hard to do up. When their baby boy came into the world all seemed well. John’s wife gave up work to look after the baby and was quite anti-social, in comparison to him, but he didn’t seem to mind.Now? The house is on the market and she has a lover and he’s heartbroken, as he tries to juggle childcare and work. She’s started wearing make-up and dressing sexily and has totally changed. At 33.She met up with someone who’d been a teenage boyfriend and neglects her child and wants a divorce. Our dear little nephew will now be shuttled from pillar to post and I just can’t make sense of it.Why do people ruin lives with impunity? What can I do? Marianne Your original letter was a tad longer and contained details I won’t print because of identification, but your feelings of bewilderment and grief are what matter.This is just one little family tragedy happening in one quiet part of Britain – but also mirroring thousands of others.Approximately 281 divorces are granted every day in England and Wales and, of course, plenty of couples break up while living together – and every one of those is an individual tale of conflict and sorrow.Consenting adults do terrible things to each other, but it’s when children are involved that the pain reverberates in ways we cannot possibly estimate.As the Marriage Foundation states: ‘Family breakdown costs the UK an estimated £50billion every year – most of which is spent supporting families who move from one to two households when relationships end. Beyond the financial cost, the social and emotional toll on children can be lifelong.’You paint a picture of a quiet, dowdy, stay-at-home mum who has suddenly discovered sexual passion and therefore thrown caution, motherhood and secure affection out of the window. The make-up, clothes and skittish behaviour all add up.Many people can be carried away by the whirlwind of illicit passion, but the ones keen on self-preservation don’t rush to destroy what they have. I use the term ‘self-preservation’ but once a child is involved, more is required.What about responsibility – and ‘duty’ too? Without those checks and balances, a society is doomed.I’m afraid I have no words of comfort or wisdom for you, Marianne, because I share your feelings. To ‘make sense’ of something so profoundly irrational is impossible.You ask me what you can do. Be as much of a support to your brother as you possibly can, and a hands-on auntie. You did mention that you live reasonably near.It would be lovely if your nephew can, as he grows, think of your house as his second home. Create activities for him, be a mother figure, help John to understand that, although he has been bitterly hurt, there will be life beyond this mess.Your poor brother is seeing the dream he built collapsing around him. To know that you and your husband are there for him will be something more valuable than you can estimate right now. I believe you have the strength and the love to do this.And finally... don't give up hope that rifts will healIn last week’s And Finally, Mrs S shared her sad story of being ‘cancelled’ by her son. Other letters have brought it home to me how appallingly common this is – sometimes called ‘a silent epidemic’.One reader comments: ‘It’s interesting to know there are literally thousands of us mums out there who have been cancelled in this new trend… reassuring, as it is a lonely place to be. It makes me realise I am not the only one. It appears it often happens when the son takes a partner…’A difficult, hostile or jealous son/daughter-in-law can certainly be a factor, but why this ‘trend’?Something in Mrs S’s letter bothered me. She wrote: ‘I know he has had counselling and he often used “therapy speak” – which I have only really understood since I too have had some counselling to try to cope with my grief.’ Contact Bel Bel answers readers' questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. I have suggested therapy here, but Mrs S’s comment rings warning bells. Oh, I know counselling can often help, but it worries me that the ubiquitous ‘therapy speak’ people spout is hampering resilience and honesty and contributing to family estrangement.Does it encourage exaggeration? So-called ‘trauma’ is everywhere – the word misused for ordinary sad feelings.And asked by a therapist: ‘Did you get on with your mother?’ an anxious client with ‘mental health issues’ feels the need to say something fraught and complicated, when shrugging: ‘Oh, it was up and down, like most relationships’ might be the truth.Some people will argue that ‘psychobabble’ and the widespread obsession with mental health is helping to ruin relationships, not mend them.However, American research has concluded that estrangements usually end. Eight in ten adult children will reconcile with their estranged mother, and seven in ten with their fathers. So never give up hope.