Sorry about this, but I’m in full Elvis Costello ‘Oh, I just don’t where to begin’ mode again today. Accidents will happen. One minute I’m planning a Janet And John spoof, on the grounds that the gentle books which taught millions of us to read, are denounced as ‘colonialist’ and ‘racist’ and must be banned lest they brainwash a new generation into wrong-think.The next minute ‘Babylon Is Burning’ in Belfast, after a migrant from an ‘alien culture’ who made it into the UK via Dublin and the Long Good Friday Agreement allegedly attempts to behead someone in the street.Plan A was to praise Matt McKiernan, who saw off the attacker with a hurling stick – lovely touch that.He’s right up there with John Smeaton, the Rangers’ fan who started kicking the freelance Islamist headbanger – an NHS doctor, no less, first do no harm, you couldn’t, etc – who attempted to blow up Glasgow airport with a Calor Gas barbeque cylinder, while he was still on fire.And Smeaton was last seen doing a lap of honour at Ibrox, and Barcelona, along with a man dressed as a bear.Fantabulosi, as they say in Jolly Jocko Land, and probably the blue half of the Six Counties, too. You can always bank on the Billy Boys.Chuck in the guy from South London who saw off the London Bridge terror attack while shouting ‘We’re f&*%cking Millwall’ and it really does make you proud to be British. Then I put ‘Matt McKiernan’ into the search engine – what we used to call ‘the cuttings library’ – and discover the first thing that pops up is we’re supposed to call him Maitiu Mág Tighearnán, his Gaelic name, otherwise it’s, er ‘colonialist’ and ‘racist’.(Needless to say, the first, sponsored mention which came up was the Guardian. Funny that.) Which brings us back to Janet And John, where we came in.