Comedian and Bigg Boss 19 contestant Pranit More’s controversial show has brought a familiar debate to light: who pays on a date, and are they owed anything in exchange for it? During crowd work, a man in the audience told More about a ‘date’ where he wanted to ‘vasool‘ (recover) Rs 360-370 he had spent on a biryani for a woman.
More laughed it off, calling it ‘peak Gurgaon content’, which is highly problematic. The man in the audience wasn’t making some joke about biryani, or the amount he spent on it. The issue is about a man believing that spending money on a woman creates an obligation she must fulfill.Amid all the discourse around modern dating, progressive values and gender equality, a surprising number of men approach dating as a transaction. They “invest” time, money, effort, and attention and expect returns on that investment. If they don’t get what they want from women, they feel they have the right to resent them.
The language is flexible, but the sentiment is the same. “I paid for dinner” (You owe me) “I drove all the way” (You owe me) “I bought her gifts” (She owes me). “I spent so much on her”. What she “owes” is always some sort of sexual favour. If not sex, men expect women to do the emotional labour, shower them with uninterrupted attention, or commitment. No matter what she wants, the entitled man expects to get what he thinks he paid for.
