June 6, 2026 — 5:00amQ: During a musical, the couple in front ruined my enjoyment by swapping inane comments throughout. They continued, even after being asked to be quiet. What else could I have done? H.B., Northcote, VicIllustration by Drew Aitken A: Seeing a musical isn’t a cheap night out. You’ve got to pay for pricey tickets, babysitting, pre-show dinner, theatre programs, interval drinks, a kooky, show-branded keep-cup from the merch table, overpriced petrol because of Trump and the Strait of Hormuz, and a parking fine because you parked in a No Standing zone to avoid a parking station and your partner yelled at you the whole way home. And, finally, a costly divorce because the car-yelling led to a huge fight that exposed long-standing, underlying issues and now you’ve lost half of everything, including your savings, superannuation and that kooky, show-branded keep-cup.Musicals are a high-risk outing, so you don’t want audience members ruining it with chitchat, whether it’s a couple swapping inane comments or Einstein and Planck formulating a mathematical model encompassing all the laws of physics. Even then, you’d be within your rights to lean forward and whisper, “Excuse me, this is the Act 1 I Want song that sets up the lead character’s dreams, so could you please shut up about Unified Field Theory? Thank you.”Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.From our partners