Managing conflict and vulnerability are important skills for anyone in a relationship. But what happens when you’re doing your part — spilling your heart out to your partner, trying to communicate your feelings — and you get nothing more than a shrug, a stone face and little or no sympathy or empathy in the moment? If your partner dismisses your emotions on the regular, it may be a sign they have low EQ (emotional quotient), more commonly known as low emotional intelligence.An EQ gap in relationships refers to a difference in emotional intelligence between partners, as Angela Sitka, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost. This dynamic in a romantic relationship can affect a couple’s ability to recognize, communicate and work through emotions together.“Many people assume an EQ gap means one person doesn’t care,” Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Hily Dating App, told HuffPost. “This isn’t true. It means they were never taught the skills, and often they are treating you the way they were treated as a child.”MSTORY via Getty ImagesSomeone with low EQ might have a complicated relationship with feelings (their own and others) — but this dynamic is not an immediate red flag.What does low EQ look like in relationships?Signs of a low-EQ partner often surface in small moments of tension. When you come home upset after a hard day at work, a low-EQ partner might jump straight to advice instead of being able to listen or sit with you and your emotions. “Just talk to your manager,” they might say, or they might brush past your emotions entirely with a conversation-ending “you’ll feel better tomorrow.” Romanoff said this reflects a pattern of minimizing feelings and avoiding empathy.Another way low EQ shows up for partners is in situations where they misread emotional expression, added Sitka. “For example, one partner might respond with anger when the other becomes tearful, interpreting the tears as manipulation or pressure to ‘fix’ the other person’s feelings,” she said.draganab via Getty ImagesThere's a difference between being low-EQ, being cruel or just being a more private and reserved person, experts warn.For the lower-EQ partner, sitting with unresolved emotional tension can feel deeply uncomfortable, says Sitka. They may try to make that discomfort stop quickly by apologizing, minimizing the concern, shutting down entirely, or abruptly leaving the conversation.They may also be unaware of how their own anger and frustration come across to their partner, Sitka adds. People with low EQ tend to bottle up their own feelings, which can surface as passive-aggressiveness or a harsh tone. They may not recognize what they’re feeling, or they might lack the communication tools to express their feelings more healthily. The result? Both people in the relationship end up feeling misunderstood and overwhelmed during times of emotional conflict.It’s worth noting the difference between being low EQ and simply being a private person, says Sitka. Some people are naturally more reserved or express emotion differently — but they’re still emotionally aware. Low EQ, by contrast, is about a lack of awareness, not just a quieter communication style.Either way, an EQ gap can have some long- and short-term effects on your relationship.When both partners have a balanced EQ, they’re able to stay emotionally present during conflict, Romanoff explained. But in a relationship with an EQ gap, “Conflict isn’t easily worked through,” she said. “Even minor disagreements can become vicious cycles with one person trying to communicate directly, while the other becomes defensive, shuts down or turns passive.”However, the lower-EQ partner may not see it that way. “One common sentiment I hear is something like, ‘I just don’t want the drama,’ or ‘Why can’t we just have a peaceful night together without you ruining it?’” Sitka said. “They often perceive their partner’s attempts to address difficult emotions as unnecessary conflict rather than a bid for connection.”When one partner doesn’t take ownership of their emotions, the higher-EQ partner may find themselves carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone. They’re not just advocating for their own needs, but they’re also the ones initiating and leading difficult conversations for both parties, Sitka explained.“Eventually, you adapt to your partner, dissociate from your own needs and begin to suppress what you realize will not be met in the relationship. Over time, you will shrink yourself just to maintain harmony.- Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Hily Dating App“They may even find themselves checking in repeatedly with their partner about feelings, asking questions like, ‘Are you sure you’re OK with me canceling our date night?’” she said. “The emotional labor becomes very one-sided.”Left unaddressed, this dynamic can also quietly erode the higher EQ partner’s emotional intelligence over time: “Eventually you adapt to your partner, dissociate from your own needs and begin to suppress what you realize will not be met in the relationship,” Romanoff said. “Over time, you will shrink yourself just to maintain harmony.”Here’s how to talk to your partner about an EQ gap.An EQ gap doesn’t mean a relationship is doomed. Some people simply weren’t taught how to identify or manage their emotions growing up, or those skills were deeply deprioritized. They may have internalized the belief that voicing feelings, concerns or problems made them seem needy, burdensome or unnecessarily confrontational, Sitka explained. The good news is that this can be worked through with guidance and support. First, it’s helpful to be specific about your needs and how your partner can better attend to them, Sitka says.“Telling your partner they need to be ‘more empathetic’ when you’re upset is likely too vague,” she explained. It’s far more effective to describe how you’d like to be supported, whether that’s your partner asking a few follow-up questions about your day or simply offering a hand to hold.Sitka also encouraged patience throughout the process. After all, it’s easy to fall into the “if they wanted to, they would” thinking: “I shouldn’t have to tell them how to be empathetic; they should just know,” or “If they’re only doing what I asked, it doesn’t feel genuine anymore.”But our partners are not mirror images of us, and they cannot read our minds.“If they truly want to care for us and meet our needs, they need clear direction, and it’s our responsibility to give them a roadmap for how to do that,” Sitka said.Maria Korneeva via Getty ImagesPartners with an EQ gap at the start might have some communication hurdles to overcome, but there is hope for the relationship if both parties do the work.Couples therapy can also be a valuable tool, giving both partners direct feedback and guidance on how to navigate emotions together with a trained, expert mediator by their side.Progress won’t happen overnight, but if your partner is starting to recognize and verbalize their emotions more, that’s a meaningful sign of growth, Romanoff said.Still, effort has to go both ways for any relationship to be sustainable. “If you’ve clearly communicated your needs and your partner continues to miss the mark, that may be a sign of deeper incompatibility — or that your partner may not be equipped to meet you in the way the relationship requires,” Sitka said. Over time, that disconnect can breed resentment and self-doubt that erodes the relationship.If you notice consistent patterns (like your partner making dismissive or demeaning comments about your emotions, making light of vulnerable moments, or responding with anger when you try to open up), Sitka warns that those are signs that the EQ gap may be too wide to bridge.Ultimately, having an EQ gap in your relationship doesn’t automatically have to be a dealbreaker. “If a person is rigid and stubborn, then yes, it often won’t work,” Romanoff said. “But if a person puts in the effort to learn, grow, and tolerate more, the relationship can thrive.”