Long throwsYou will almost certainly be aware that there have been a load of set-piece goals this season, and an extraordinary proliferation of long throws. At times the self-styled greatest league in the world has drowned in a torrent of guileless ball-flinging.I can date my disapproval of long throws back to a single afternoon in November 1996, during which I endured an FA Cup tie between Northampton and Watford, a game that took place long enough ago for me to have forgotten everything about it but for these basic facts: Darren Bazeley scored the only goal, and long throws are rubbish.Reports on the game – a mind-numbing non-event which Sky had foolishly chosen for television coverage – suggest these were indeed sensible takeaways. “Watford patented the use of the long ball so they could not complain at Northampton’s reliance on the tactic,” wrote the Telegraph. “A succession of long throws and high crosses nearly produced something on several occasions.” Oh, they did produce something: boredom, swelling over time and by repetition to a kind of weary fury, an outrage bubbling just below the surface because it couldn’t be arsed to break out.Nearly 30 years on, the mere sight of a player towelling down the ball and taking several backwards steps awakens some dark corner of my brain. Unless your team are in possession of a Rory Delap character – in which case fill your boots (gloves?) – it’s just feeding a footballing fruit machine in lieu of developing actual tactics. Stop it.Brentford’s Michael Kayode dries the ball before one of his trademark long throws against Liverpool in October. Photograph: Alex Pantling/Getty ImagesFunny kitsNot funny-looking kits – we’ve always had those – but kits with actual comedic intent. Polyester jesters, if you will. There is simply no need. We refer of course to Manchester City’s 2025-26 third kit, which uses a fabric designed to look like a rain-flecked window on a particularly dismal, grey day (with neon green highlights). “It proudly represents the club’s fearless spirit,” the club’s website suggests. “Manchester City are a symbol of the people, the culture and the humour of Manchester. That’s why the 25-26 Third Kit is a tribute to Mancunian weather, designed for those who carry City in their hearts, rain or shine (though, let’s be honest, mostly rain).” This is not OK. Fortunately City have binned this particular bad idea after a single season, choosing instead a different bad idea for their 2026-27 third kit: an AI-generated design which was chosen in a fan vote held in January 2025.Premier League 2025-26 review: our writers reflect on the season – videoThe penalty area at set piecesThe VAR decision that decided Arsenal’s game at West Ham, and that at the time – if not when perusing the final league table – felt decisive in the chase for the Premier League title, was in the end the right one. But in the process of making it the officials also gave the world fully five minutes of constant replays of complete penalty-area lawlessness. Pablo stretched across David Raya and held the goalkeeper’s left arm; Jean-Clair Todibo, while having Martin Ødegaard wrapped around his waist, took a fistful of Raya’s shirt; Declan Rice and Konstantinos Mavropanos in essence became a single double-headed being as they barrelled through the area; Kai Havertz was pretty much wearing Tomas Soucek as a backpack for a while. There were 15 players in the six-yard box as Raya fumbled, none of them making any attempt to win the ball – which was always heading towards the Arsenal goalkeeper – and most of them busily engaged in fouling each other. The most striking thing was that none of it was remotely unusual. This is not the beautiful game, and something must be done to restore lawfulness and encourage wit, invention and skill as match-breakers of first resort. Set pieces used to be seen as one thing poor teams might use to somehow prevail against superior opponents and in a way that is still true – they have, after all, allowed Arsenal to finish above Manchester City – but it does really feel as if the best teams should be able to beat the weaker ones without relying on them quite so much.Pablo (centre) fouls David Raya in the late penalty-area drama at the London Stadium. Photograph: Marc Atkins/Getty ImagesNo team in Premier League history scored as many goals from corners as Arsenal did this season, success fuelled partly by the accuracy of their deliveries and partly by their willingness to do absolutely anything while and before the ball arcs towards the six-yard box that might give them an advantage. This really must be stopped. You’re probably wondering why I’m not proposing a solution, and as it happens I have a cunning one that would take a while to explain and this is not the place. But if there is a solution, it is certainly not …Refs coming over all Minority ReportTeam win corner. Player jogs over to take corner. Centre-backs jog forwards to take up offensive positions, markers manoeuvre themselves into place. Someone jostles the goalkeeper. As they wait for the ball to be delivered, players try to establish an advantage: bumping, pushing, grabbing a shirt or a waist, perhaps the occasional neck. The taker carefully places the ball so just a fractional edge of it overhangs a fractional edge of the line, the referee’s assistant leans over to ensure its legality, and finally the taker looks up, raising an arm in the air to signal something or other.At which point the referee blows his whistle, marches into the area, points at a couple of people, has a demonstratively stern word, and everyone has to reset.Stop it. Just let the players play. If there is a foul, punish it when it happens. Referees aren’t employed to prevent future fouls. This isn’t Precrime. Sheesh.The wait for a verdict on Manchester City’s chargesI’ll admit it, this one has been copy-and-pasted from the list of gripes written by Barry Glendenning at the end of last season. Word has it it’s now actually imminent but 12 months later, it’s got to stay on the list.Dribble DashIn January 2025 the Bundesliga proclaimed themselves “the first European football league to debut on Roblox”, boasting that they were hoping to use it to target “Generation Z in particular”. Well the Premier League wasn’t just going to sit back and let the Germans take possession of whichever generations they choose, and so this January they unveiled their own, brand-new, self-developed game on Roblox, Dribble Dash, aiming squarely at Generation Alpha.Where many sporting organisations, such as Fifa and the NFL, had found their way on to the platform by cannibalising pre-existing games with established player bases, the Premier League went alone – and discovered that Roblox launches are something of an obstacle course – or, as they call it, an “obby”.“Dribble Dash tasks players with navigating an exciting obstacle course (obby), working solo or co-op to dribble a football through a training ground, before progressing on to the road to the match to reach the stadium,” they explained. “Avoid obstacles and keep your football alive, collect consumables and assists for epic boosts, earn coins for the shop and win trophies to claim epic football trails and climb the ranks to get on the leaderboard.”Now obviously this is not aimed at the curmudgeonly middle-aged, and it’s not like the Football League didn’t attempt to monetise me when I was in primary school, just with the sticker albums rather than, er, whatever this is. But we can note that, according to the leading analytics tool RoMonitor Stats, the largest number of users enjoying the game at any one time on, say, 4 May was three, and on 5 May two (something odd happened on the 8th, when that number leapt to 444). On its worst day in April just eight people visited, lingering for an average of 15 seconds. Perhaps the Premier League has enough on its plate with the actual game of actual football without going around inventing brand new virtual ones, and Generation Alpha will surely discover its many charms when they’re good and ready.