Bouncing: “There are two kinds of people: people that are vacuums and people that are batteries, who give energy, joy, enthusiasm. And he is the biggest battery I have ever worked with.” – Heimir Hallgrímsson on the Duracell Bunny that is Séamus Coleman. Doomed: “I feel the players are always thinking about the past. They think there is something in the water here or in the food.” – Ruben Amorim after Manchester United were knocked out of the League Cup by minnows Grimsby Town. Daylight robbery: “I can only congratulate those in Stuttgart for finding an idiot who paid that much money.” – Karl-Heinz Rummenigge on Newcastle United deciding to pay the German club €75m for Nick Woltemade.Old pals: “Mourinho told me that I was a piece of sh*t. I told him that he was a sh*t. An enormous one.” – Henrikh Mkhitaryan reminiscing about his loving relationship with José Mourinho.Home (dis)comforts: “I really enjoy being alone. The mess at home with the three kids running around everywhere ends up saturating me and I like a moment of solitude. I’m weirder than sh*t.” – Lionel Messi on the joys of family life. Brit-bashing: “For the first time in history, no Brit was arrested during a World Cup! Imagine! This is something really, really special.” – Fifa president Gianni Infantino, talking about how peaceful the Qatar World Cup was, not quite endearing himself to Blighty. Great Scott: “After my father, McTominay is the most influential player in Napoli’s history. In Naples, we had God – for me, McTominay is Jesus.” – Diego Maradona Jnr genuflects at the feet of Scott.Napoli midfielder Scott McTominay has found great form since leaving Manchester United. Photograph: Piero Cruciatti/Getty Beyond compare: “It’s like comparing a painter to Van Gogh.” – Pep Guardiola on the suggestion that Lamine Yamal has reached Lionel Messi levels.No-hoper: “We say in Portugal, ‘Miracles is only in Fatima’ ... and he’s not gonna do miracles.” – Cristiano Ronaldo not quite expecting Ruben Amorim to bring back glory days at Manchester United. Ronaldo was right. Bleak future: “He will have to get Liverpool into the top four – otherwise he’ll be the next Tottenham manager.” – Paul Merson forecasts a dismal downfall for Arne Slot if Liverpool didn’t click. They finished fifth. Match of the season: “It was like Godzilla versus King Kong.” – Paolo di Canio excellently sums up that epic PSG v Bayern Munich game.Do your job: “It was a nice finish. Sorry, but isn’t that what he is supposed to do. It’s like Ryanair. If a flight is on time, everyone is cheering. But usually you’re going to be two hours late. You have low expectations. That’s Sesko and United.” – Roy Keane with, undoubtedly, the analogy of the season.Old Bhoy: “I was 73 on Monday, and I’m 94 now… They got me a tracksuit. I’ve got these really tight pants. I look like Robin Hood.” – Martin O’Neill who, despite those tight pants, led his band of merry men to a league and cup double.Martin O'Neill, manager of Celtic, lifts the Scottish Premiership trophy. Photograph: Ian MacNicol/Getty Meltdown: “The Third Apocalypse.” – La Gazzetta dello Sport responds calmly to Italy’s failure to qualify for a third successive World Cup.No contest: “We should respect Armenia. It’s like Iceland when we go to Eurovision: we always think we have the best song, but we never go to the qualifying round.” – Heimir Hallgrímsson before that hiccup in Yerevan. In the end, we didn’t make it to the World Cup or Eurovision.Time out: “I’m going to stop after this stage with City because I need to focus on myself. I want to watch the cows go by when the train goes by.” – Pep Guardiola in August. Plenty of time for cow-watching now. Treasure hunt: “You keep digging, digging, digging and you have to be digging because one day the gold is going to be there.” – Mikel Arteta at the beginning of the season. In the end? A gold-standard campaign for Arsenal.