You’ll know the sports devotees come Monday morning. They’ll be the ones as pale as porcelain while everyone else will either be the colour of caramel or will resemble boiled lobsters. But when you have a Saturday afternoon like that one, a sporting feast like few others, then pastiness is a small price to pay. The difficulty, of course, is when a bunch of things clash, like, say, rugby’s Champions Cup final, Kerry v Donegal in Killarney and Charlton v Leicester in London. Some of you will, possibly, ask “Charlton v Leicester, huh?”, but when the playoff for a spot in the Women’s Super League goes to penalties, and both goalies are Irish, then patriotic fervour takes over. “It’s a tale of two goalkeepers,” our commentator Emily Herbert hollered. “It’s a tale of two IRISH goalkeepers,” Emma Byrne, a former Irish goalkeeper, corrected her. And between them, Sophie Whitehouse and Katie Keane saved just the six penalties in the shoot-out, Whitehouse with the lion’s share of four, sending Charlton in to the WSL.There will be those among you who will argue that the contest in Bilbao was a bigger affair, so we’ll just have to agree to differ. But it was, admittedly, a large event, Premier Sports employing half the retired rugby players on the planet to present the occasion to us. Martin Bayfield was our host, Simon Zebo, Lawrence Dallaglio, John Barclay, Ian Madigan and Andy Goode joining him, while former Scotland international Ryan Wilson was on duty too. The sight of Ryan, who seems like a very personable character, will never not remind us of the time he was convicted of punching a fellow rugby player in a chipper while he was dressed as Batman and his victim as Tweedledee. Top: Leinster v Bordeaux. Bottom left: Kerry v Donegal. Bottom right: Charlton v Leicester. No matter. Premier Sports’ intro to the final would have done nothing for the Leinster faithful’s nerves, reminding them, as they did, that the drive for five was closing in on a decade-long journey. And so useful are Bordeaux Bègles, none of the panel was entirely convinced that the journey would end in Bilbao, Andy suggesting that our Zeebs was hopeful that the drive would prove never-ending. It started beautifully, though, for Leinster, Tommy O’Brien doing expert wingery things with that early try, but thereafter? Carnage, really. “They’ve taken Leinster to the cleaners,” said Andy come half-time, by which point Bordeaux were leading 35-7. “I’ve never seen him look so happy in all my life,” he said, pointing at Zeebs, who was desperately trying to suppress a grin. The chances of a Leinster comeback? “We’d all eat our berets tonight,” said our commentator Miles Harrison, so he was rating them as somewhat slim, and despite a lusty enough second-half effort, it wasn’t to be. “Leinster’s agony continues,” said Miles. That it does. And Zeebs didn’t have good news. “The best is yet to come from that Bordeaux team.” Cripes.[ Leinster blitzed by Bordeaux Bègles as they suffer deflating Champions Cup final defeatOpens in new window ]And at the same time, Kerry and Donegal were knocking lumps out of each other in Killarney. “We were worried there wouldn’t be any needle in this game,” said Darran O’Sullivan on GAA+ as the two counties produced the mother, father, auntie and uncle of all shemozzles at the conclusion of the first half. Now, call this couch squeamish, but shemozzles are grand if they just involve a bit of shovin’ and pushin’ and crankiness, but when you see elbows inserted in lads’ faces and uppercuts that result in blood gushing from wounds, well, you could be doing without it. Our host Aisling O’Reilly asked her panel about the unpleasantness of it all at half-time, but “it’s on the line” was the verdict on one of the very clear elbows, while a cry of “assimilation!” went up about how one elbowed fella dropped to the ground. Ah, lads.[ Donegal conquer 14-man Kerry in heated Killarney clashOpens in new window ]Jim McGuinness waved it all off in his post-match chat, while Jack O’Connor went a bit Arsène Wenger-ish on us (didn’t see it). In fairness, he was probably more focused on his side’s 13-point mullering. “They were like a pub team out there,” said Paddy Andrews. Later in the day’s multi-viewing, Barcelona did Barcelona things by winning just their fourth women’s Champions League titles in six years, throttling Lyon, while Oli McBurnie won Hull City promotion to the Premier League with a 95th-minute winner against Middlesbrough in their playoff final. There’s hope here for Leinster. Six-ish year ago, striker Oli managed just one goal in an entire season for Sheffield United. And to add to his woes, his house was broken in to and his Rolex stolen. To which one sympathetic commenter asked, “do you buy a new Rolex for every goal you score?” Undaunted, Oli rose again. Leinster? You can too. Unless, of course, the best is yet to come from Bordeaux.