British men’s running kit is a law unto itself. At its best, it channels Temu David Beckham. At its worst, it channels “popping to the small Tesco for milk.” Despite the best efforts of Nike, Adidas, Puma, Asics, Gymshark, Under Armour and On, the end result often looks less engineered for speed than plucked from the dirty linen basket smelling of Deep Heat and desperation.
As a jogger in a glass house, I shouldn’t throw stones. The first time I went for a run, I was in my late thirties, and wore rubber-soled Converse baseball boots and a handbag. There’s something humble about wearing the wrong kit. Unless you’re one of life’s gazelles, you’re likely going to feel stupid emerging from your home in luminous tonal hues of moisture-wicking fabric and £250 Hoka Cielo X1s. And then there’s the British weather to think about. Nylon windcheaters are rarely a good look. It’s so much easier in LA: sleeveless vest, thigh-high shorts, job done.
So really, we should have sympathy for the jogging British male – especially that subset comprised of senior politicians, whose kit is as scrutinised as their policies. A case in point is Andy Burnham, whose short shorts caused a national incident last week. So which running tribe are you? One electrolyte gel away from completing an Iron Man, or ready to pass out? Read on and make up your own mind.
