QuestionI had a date with a woman a couple of weekends ago. I took her to a game where my team were in a semi-final. We had been dating for about two months and it had been going really well, or so I thought.I am not imagining things when I say that she looked at me adoringly, clung on to me and looked into my eyes a lot during the first half of the game. However, I went to get a drink during the second half and when I came back she was chatting to an older man sitting behind us. I could see that he was chatting her up (he looked wealthy) and that she was enjoying it. I would go so far as to say her face was shining.I thought it would stop, but what happened was that the two of them completely focused on each other and ignored the game (which was nail-biting) and at the end she continued the chat. I was humiliated and angry so after 15 minutes of this after the game ended, I just left – I don’t even know if she noticed.She has been texting me as if nothing happened and wants to go to another game with me soon. I know that she is inexperienced with having flattery and my guess is that dating me has made her realise how attractive she is, but is it worth the effort of teaching her that you do not do this on a date?I actually thought we were in a relationship and I am reluctant to let it go because I can see lots of potential and I don’t often feel this way.I wonder if I should take her out again; am I setting myself up for another embarrassing situation or is she worth it?AnswerYou are right in thinking that you would need to do some serious thinking before engaging fully with this woman again but perhaps you are operating on guesses at this stage. She has not acknowledged her behaviour and you left without challenging or speaking to her, thus demonstrating some development needs on both sides.This does not augur well for future dates but perhaps there are some mitigating circumstances. You say that she is inexperienced, so she may have been taken in by the attention of a mature man (he probably deserves some of your ire too), but this might be a learning opportunity for her.[ ‘I was away for the weekend, looked at the doorbell camera and could see my boyfriend moving out’Opens in new window ]The chances are that you will have a lot more information about the worthiness of continuing this situation once you raise the issue of her behaviour with your date and see what her response is. If it gives you hope, and it is truthful and open, then you can risk taking the relationship another step forward. But if the response is to sidestep the issue or pretend it did not happen as it did, then you would do well to give serious thought to progressing.Do you have some good friends you can check in with? It might be good to go over your relationship history with them first, as this may have a part to play both in your selection of who to date and in your response on this occasion. It may be that what is being highlighted is your own sense of not being enough, and if there is any truth in this, it is worth addressing it so that you can feel good about yourself. Often, we have patterns of behaviour that operate under our radar and these continue to have a huge impact on our lives until we bring them into the light for scrutiny. You could begin to look around in your circle and see who you really admire and are attracted to. Then ask yourself what might allow you to ask them out or what might inhibit you asking.[ ‘I discovered the affair when a text came in on my husband’s phone’Opens in new window ]If the blocks are self-depreciation or self-doubt then there is some personal development work to be done and now is the time to do it, before you are in the middle of a long-term relationship someone who is not invested in you. We all want (and need) to be loved as the pinnacle of someone’s attention. You know what it is like to have this in a false way (the adoring looks did not go very deep) so demand the real thing and put effort and energy into securing it for yourself. If getting to this place of confidence requires support (counselling, coaching, etc) then put money into developing yourself and trust that you will reap the reward in the future.As to revisiting the date, perhaps meet for coffee and ask what she thinks you need to talk about before you can go out again. Ask what concerns she thinks you may have about the situation. Unless you are completely satisfied, and you feel she is genuine in her response, it might be best to let this go and do the work that will allow you to reach for someone more admirable.To send your question to Trish Murphy, fill in the form below or email tellmeaboutit@irishtimes.com