Some people are better at organising, and it sounds as if you all have fun when you do get together, so try not to take it personally
My friends seem genuinely happy to see me when we’re together and usually accept when I suggest meeting up. But if I don’t initiate, I rarely hear from them. Not even a “Hi, how’s the new job?” or a “How are you?” Months can go by.
This makes me wonder if these people are real friends and question whether I’m doing something wrong. When we do get together, we share things about our lives, laugh a lot and do activities we all like, so time together makes me feel connected. But once we say goodbye, I don’t hear from them. It’s all very confusing and discouraging.
I don’t know if it’s relevant, but all my friends are women. I am a man in my 50s and single (for several years) after a nearly 30-year relationship. I was very isolated and depressed during Covid, but have gradually been taking steps to improve my life (joining a running club, quitting drinking, changing jobs and moving). Making new friends while deepening relationships with others has been something I see as a huge improvement in my life, but now I’m wondering if they’re worth the effort.
True friendship is always worth the effort, but there do seem to be two types of people: those who initiate and move friendships along and those who don’t. It can be maddening. If people accept an invitation to see you, you can probably take it as a given that they do like spending time with you – after all, there are many ways to get out of doing things.
