The holidays are supposed to bring joy and connection. But for many of us, they bring stress and fraught family dynamics.
As a couples therapist, I hear the same question every year: “What do I say when my relatives make critical or overstepping comments?” Conflict with extended family is one of the most common reasons couples can feel distant and resentful towards one another. When they come to me, they want to know how to set clear boundaries and not fall back into old patterns.
With their relatives, many people often mistake a request (e.g., “please stop doing that”) for a boundary (e.g., “here’s what I will or won’t do”). Remember that true boundaries are about intentionally protecting your peace.
Here are six phrases to set boundaries with your family this holiday season.
You can use this when a family member says something like you’re raising “soft” kids or, “That’s not how we did it and our kids turned out fine.” You will invite differences without inviting debate.
