The No. 1 question to ask early on in your relationship: I wish I did 'sooner,' says expert who's been married 23 years

After 23 years of marriage, I’ve realized the most powerful question I could have asked early on wasn’t about money, kids, or where we wanted to live.

It was this: “Can you describe the partner you always dreamed of having?”

Even as someone who helps couples manage money and household responsibilities as a team, I wish I had asked this question sooner. Instead of guessing what being a “good partner” meant, I could have focused on becoming the support my wife actually wanted and needed.

Here’s why this one question can transform a relationship.

Most of us enter relationships with a mental checklist of what makes a great partner. But those lists often come from our own upbringing or outdated cultural norms, not from the person we’re actually with.