Kristen Bell Thought Her 'Joke' Was Harmless. But She Never Had To Listen To My Dad Attack My Mom.

Note: The following essay contains descriptions of domestic abuse.

When I saw Kristen Bell’s anniversary post on Instagram earlier this week, I froze. She celebrated 12 years of marriage to her husband, actor and podcaster Dax Shepard, by writing:

I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I’m heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would.

I’m sure she meant it to be funny and irreverent, but reading it made my blood run cold. I know what real death threats sound like.

I can remember pressing a pink pillow over my 10-year-old ears in an attempt to block out my mother’s screams as my father beat her with a belt. Fifty-six years later, I can still hear the sharp and rhythmic sound of leather on skin, broken only by her crying, “Please, stop! Please!”