You adored them as a kid — their joy, their wonder, their lopsided art projects and endless asking of “why?” But now they’re 19 and only care about TikTok, or designer shoes, or conspiracy podcasts.
Or maybe they’ve grown into someone you find unrecognizable, even unsettling.
It’s a quiet heartbreak many family members and caregivers face but rarely talk about: What do you do when a child you love grows into a teen or adult you don’t really... like anymore?
Mandy Morris, a licensed professional counselor and EMDR clinician, said it’s “a particular kind of heartbreak I find quietly devastating: when a child you once loved deeply grows into an adult whose beliefs or behaviors you find difficult, or even impossible, to reconcile with your values,” she said.
Maybe they’re casually cruel, deeply self-absorbed, or espousing problematic ideologies. Maybe they’re just... not who you hoped they’d be. Experts say all of the above are quite common, and that it’s OK to feel grief, anger and even guilt in relation to a beloved child who is now a confusing, semi-grown human.
