When your kid comes to you with a problem — whether it’s a daunting school assignment or the latest drama in their friend group — you might be tempted to step in and try to offer a solution.
But in most cases, your children really need you to just listen, according to clinical psychologist Lisa Damour. “The most valuable line in all of parenting is: ‘Do you want my help or do you just need to vent?’ You can’t parent without it,” Damour said on an episode of the “Raising Good Humans” podcast that aired on Friday.
That question signals to your child that you’re there for them and ready to listen, which fosters trust that strengthens the parent-child connection, said Damour, a podcaster and author of multiple New York Times bestsellers on raising teens, including 2023′s “The Emotional Lives of Teenagers.”
At the same time, by not insisting on swooping in to fix all of your kid’s problems, you’re also signaling that you trust them to figure it out on their own, she said.
Most teens prefer a listen-first approach from their parents, Damour’s research shows. In a 2024 survey of U.S. Gen Zers under age 18 — conducted by the Walton Family Foundation and Gallup, in partnership with Damour — 62% of respondents only wanted their parents to listen when they were upset. More than half of those kids just wanted space from their parents in those situations, while only 28% wanted to hear advice from their parents, the survey found.
