Pop culture tropes set us up to think that the mother-in-law relationship is inherently fraught or even toxic. (Think: Charlotte York and Bunny MacDougal in “Sex and the City.” Or Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda’s characters in “Monster-In-Law.”)And while these dynamics can be challenging in real life, rest assured, the relationship you have with your mother-in-law is by no means destined for strife. As Atlanta psychologist Zainab Delawalla told HuffPost, “If both parties are adept at forming healthy relationships in other areas of their lives, there is no reason to think they can’t have a healthy relationship with each other.” skynesher via Getty ImagesDespite what pop culture tells us, relationships with in-laws are not doomed to be complicated or frustrating from the start. So how do you know if you’ve lucked out in the mother-in-law department? We asked therapists and people who have a good relationship with their own MILs to share some of the “green flags” that indicate a healthy, supportive bond. Here’s what to look for: She is firmly in your corner, cheering you on just as she would her own kid. It’s a definite green flag if you can count on your mother-in-law to be one of your biggest cheerleaders, a steady source of love and support in your life.“From the beginning, my mother-in-law has supported me right along with her own children,” Southern California writer Ruth Kogen Goodwin, who considers her MIL a “second mom,” told HuffPost. “While I was still in high school, maybe a year into dating her son, she was showing up to my senior recital, graduation, etc.”“Even now, if there is something I want to do in life, she is right there with my own mother, asking me for updates, watching my kiddo when I need time away and showing up to cheer me on,” Kogen Goodwin continues.Eli McCann, a Salt Lake City-based attorney, writer and podcast host, told HuffPost he “instantly hit it off” with his mother-in-law Kim when he first met her during a Thanksgiving visit with his now-husband Skylar in 2016.“Kim is Skylar’s biggest fan. I know the trope of mothers loving their son so much that they turn into a nightmare mother-in-law because no one is good enough for their boy. In our case, I think Kim loves her children so much that she automatically adores anyone who gets attached to them,” McCann told HuffPost.Kim has become one of McCann’s biggest fans, too. “She is constantly rooting for me and bragging about me to her friends, the same way she does with the rest of her kids and kids’ spouses,” he added. There’s a sense of mutual respect between you — even when your approach or opinions don’t align. You and your mother-in-law may not always see eye-to-eye. It’s a green flag when those inevitable differences don’t get in the way of the respect you have for one another. “She understands that you have your own set of values, priorities and lifestyle preferences that may not align with hers,” San Diego therapist Ava Shakib of The Expansive Group told HuffPost. “If your mother-in-law is trying to change you or sees your beliefs as a reflection of her, that can cause tensions,” Shakib continued. “Ideally she accepts and allows for you to exist in this world how you’d like to.” Kogen Goodwin’s mother-in-law lets her and her husband “live life on [their] terms,” she said. Once they’ve decided something as a couple, her mother-in-law honors that, regardless of her personal opinions on the matter. “I have heard horror stories from friends about their MIL going behind their backs to feed their babies solid food before they wanted or cutting their babies’ hair for the first time without asking. I didn’t have any of those worries when leaving our child in my MIL’s care.- Ruth Kogen Goodwin“For example, when we made decisions about how to raise our baby, I knew she would follow those rules, even if she did things differently raising her own,” she said. “I have heard horror stories from friends about their MIL going behind their backs to feed their babies solid food before they wanted or cutting their babies’ hair for the first time without asking. I didn’t have any of those worries when leaving our child in my MIL’s care.”It’s worth noting that sometimes differences in cultural, ethnic or religious backgrounds can put strain on the mother-in-law relationship. In such cases, gaining context about the norms in her culture can be helpful, Shakib advised. “For example, what you find to be overbearing may be a common sign of affection in her background,” Shakib explained. “What you find to be dismissive and distant, might be a common parent-child dynamic in her culture.” Consult with your partner’s family or conduct some online research to gain further insight. If you need additional guidance, Shakib recommends speaking with a therapist who has the same (or similar) cultural background as your mother-in-law.She views you as more than just her child’s partner. It’s a positive sign for the relationship when your mother-in-law views you as “whole and complete person” and “not just an extension of her child,” Shakib said. “She’s curious to build a human-to-human relationship with you and learn more about you…Connection thrives when there’s curiosity,” she added. Over the last decade, McCann said that he and his mother-in-law have developed their own friendship separate from Skylar. They call each other to catch up when they’re apart or run errands, just the two of them, when they’re together, he said. “We share an interest in old movies, music (big Paul Simon fans) and writing. We have compatible senses of humor, and we are both storytellers, so pretty much from the moment we met, we were comfortable just sitting together gabbing about anything,” said McCann. You don’t feel like you need to walk on eggshells around each other.Another green flag? When an issue arises, you’re able to honestly voice your concerns or feelings to each other without damaging your connection. Your mother-in-law is “able to assert her needs without violating your boundaries or resorting to passive-aggressive or manipulative strategies,” Delawalla said. “She embraces you as part of the family, which means she feels comfortable addressing her concerns directly with you rather than ‘going through’ her child to send you a message.” And on the flip side, your mother-in-law doesn’t use you as the messenger when there’s a conflict between her and her child.“Some people feel responsible to help fix tensions between their partner and their mother-in-law, Shakib said. “Ideally, that is something that they can figure out together, rather than relying on you to mediate or choose sides.” You won’t catch her trying to meddle in the relationship. Consider it a green flag when your mother-in-law doesn’t try to micromanage your partner or your marriage. She’s content to give you two the space to make your own choices about what works for your family unit. But she’s happy to offer guidance when asked. Your mother-in-law “understands and accepts that family dynamics change when children grow into adults and start their own families,” Delawalla said. She recognizes that her role in her children’s lives will shift as they become more and more independent — and she doesn’t treat you like the “bad guy” because of it, Delawalla added. McCann, for one, has never felt like his mother-in-law had “any impulse to butt into [his marriage” or weigh in on their relationship, he said. “She loves spending time with us and hearing what we’re up to, but she has never tried to tell us what to do,” McCann added. “This has remained true even as we became parents last year. She adores her new grandson, but has not once given us any unsolicited advice.”