Your concern may be an expression of care for your daughter – but you need to dig down into why you feel like this
My daughter, aged nearly 50, lives in a pleasant cul-de-sac of privately owned houses. Her front garden is the only one in it that, frankly, looks a mess. The grass is never cut because she says it’s eco-friendly and has wild flowers. (Mainly dandelions and three prized wild orchids.) It’s a very small garden and is crammed with untended bushes, fruit trees and a central tree that takes all the light from her sitting room. Recently, she’s been given five large fruit bushes in pots, which straggle over the path. I would be very disappointed if I had such an eyesore next door to me.
She’s a single mum with two sons who have recently left school, but she won’t let them tidy up her garden. We live three hours away, but always feel ashamed when we visit and push our way up the overgrown path. Does it matter or are we just pernickety old folk with outdated views? I’d appreciate another opinion.
I think you’ll get a lot of other opinions below this column. Whenever someone says or does something that on the face of it seems unhelpful, I always think: “What is the motivation here?” And I do believe your motivation is one of caring for your daughter. Maybe it’s easier to say you’re worried about her by focusing those worries horticulturally, but there are a fair number of loaded words in your letter: “privately owned”,“the only one”, “prized”, “disappointed”, “single mum”, “ashamed”. I wonder if your daughter feels this judgment too. What are you really worried about?
