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Dear Family Beef,
My parents have never had a “happy” marriage. My dad was always the loud, life-of-the-party, at least in public, and my mom is generally more reserved and quieter with him — mostly because it seems like he bullied the life out of her. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I don’t have much of a relationship with my father for a lot of reasons – but how he’s treated my mom, my sister and me over the years is a huge part.
He’ll call anyone who disagrees with him names and insult their intelligence. I grew up hearing him call my mom a “dumb bitch” to her face and behind her back. He’s never been physically violent but when they fight he will say really cruel things and then debate, berate and “apologize” his way out of accountability later.
In recent years, my mom has grown so much though. She’s gone to therapy. She’s agreed in separate conversations with my sister that our dad fits the bill of a narcissist. And she told both me and my sister that she wishes she was more assertive when we were growing up, that she wishes she stood up to our dad more and “has some regrets” about how we were raised. She sees friends more and has even joined the community garden and has her own social life that my dad is not involved in at all. I’m so proud of seeing her start to step out into her own life.
