Editor’s note: This article discusses suicide and suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
When Angie Scheu needs a few minutes to herself, she escapes to her back porch in Westerville, Ohio, to sit and listen to birds chirping.
She gazes at her bushy basil plant in its large pot and her aging McIntosh apple tree in the yard. She tells herself her feelings of overwhelm are temporary, though she knows the chaos that comes with motherhood is part of the deal. She always wanted to be a mom. She loves her three daughters: Evelyn, 17; Sophia, 14; and her youngest, 4-year-old Rachel, who was born with Down syndrome during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Scheu, 44, said she's had thoughts of suicide three times: once 30 years ago, again in 2021 and most recently in the fall of 2024. In those moments, she wondered: "Am I better off gone?"
“It usually follows a period of catastrophizing,” Scheu said. “It usually just follows a period of feeling hopeless and helpless and just not sure what to do, and not feeling like I have any answers.”
