At the edge of a high school track, I watched my 11-year-old son Thomas’ face drop as the announcer read out the long jump results. His event was already over. I’d asked his twin brother, Charlie, to check the meet schedule, and he’d given me the wrong time. I’d trusted an 11-year-old with something that was my responsibility as the adult.
Thomas had trained for months. Now he stood there, trying not to cry, while other kids celebrated. What hit hardest wasn’t just that Thomas missed his event. It was that I’d let both of my sons down.
One missed an important event he’d trained for. The other was left carrying the blame. And both of those outcomes were on me.
That moment revealed a pattern I was reluctant to face. Even though I was divorced with 50/50 custody, I often treated parenting as a task I could delegate. I was trying too hard to be liked. I wanted to be the fun dad, not the firm one — and that meant avoiding some of the more mundane or difficult responsibilities. I kept acting like their friend when what my kids needed was a responsible adult.
What I was doing is known as being a “manchild,” a term used to describe men who avoid responsibility at home through procrastination, deflection or feigned ignorance. Men often say they are “just not good at multitasking” or that their partner is “better at organizing,” but the outcome is the same. One person ends up doing the emotional and logistical heavy lifting while the other waits for direction.
