As a child, I was often curious about my father’s absence. My mother navigated those awkward questions with grace, never speaking negatively of him, even on Father’s Day. She’d soften the truth without burdening me with the complexities of his situation: “He loves you, even if you can’t see him.”
Her words resonated deeply, illuminating feelings I didn’t fully comprehend until I became a father myself. Now, as a therapist and the author of “Present: The Crisis of American Fatherhood and the Power of Showing Up,” I’ve dedicated over a decade to supporting fathers who want to reconnect with their kids.
Many of these dads are often misunderstood. They face barriers like divorce, incarceration, substance use, unemployment and mental health challenges. A common narrative paints them as uncaring simply because they aren’t physically present.
So let’s pause and challenge this assumption. One phrase I hate hearing on Father’s Day is, “You should step it up.” (A similar one is, “Why aren’t you more present?”) Instead, we should acknowledge these fathers. A simple gesture can go a long way: “You are important, and we celebrate you today. Support is here if you ask for it.”
Here are a few things I’ve learned over the last decade in working with dads.
