'Kittenfishing' is the new 'catfishing.' What is this toxic dating trend?

Odds are, if you're on a dating app, you may have stretched the truth about yourself, at least once. Or twice. OK, maybe several times.Well, if this sounds like you, there's a name for this behavior. It's called "kittenfishing" − and, like it's more extreme cousin "catfishing," kittenfishing, more or less, tends to end in disappointment.Kittenfishing involves telling little lies about yourself on a dating app, or in the early stages of dating, in order to to make yourself seem more attractive. Think adding an inch or two to the height section of your dating profile. Or saying you graduated with a degree from a prestigious university, when maybe you only took a course. Or fudging your age. Or using old or heavily edited photos of yourself.You may not be concocting an entirely fabricated persona, à la catfishing. But you aren't being totally honest either."Kittenfishing is the PG version of catfishing," says Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Lasts." "This actually happened to me personally. I matched with a guy who listed Harvard on their profile, but, after a few dates, it became clear they didn’t actually graduate from Harvard. They took a course there."Why do we kittenfish?Let's be real: Dating apps are basically an online marketplace. And a highly competitive one at that.In order to stand out, many feel like they need to enhance the truth of who they are, just to get a foot in the door.And the sad truth is, most kittenfishers aren't actually bad or undesirable. They just don't know how to stand out."Honestly, it usually comes from an insecure place, not a malicious one," Chan says. "I've had clients tell me they fudge their age or height just to cut through the noise. Their logic: Once we actually meet, the superficial stuff won't matter. The problem is, most people feel deceived when the person in front of them doesn't match the profile. Starting things off with a small deception, however innocent it feels, erodes trust before you've even had a chance to build it."As a result, kittenfishing, even when well-intentioned, rarely ever ends in happily ever after."If you are kittenfishing too hard, you are going to set yourself up for disappointment, because, when you actually meet the person, you will not be what they expected," says Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story." "We're not chasing likes in dating. We're actually fostering connection."How to be the best you, without kittenfishingKittenfishing isn't just something we do as daters, Hoffman says. To a certain extent, every person is kittenfishing on social media, a place where people, by and large, present the best versions of themselves and leave out the messy parts.With dating apps, Hoffman adds, it's a fine line. You want to present the best "you" − and you do want to be on your best behavior, particularly in the early stages of dating. But you also want to be real, genuine and honest. Otherwise, how will you know whether you and the person you're getting to know are actually a solid match?Instead of kittenfishing, aim to craft a profile that tells a story, something that goes deeper than the superficial markers so many hide behind."I will never add a filter to a client's photo when we're working on a profile," Hoffman says. "You want to show the best version of yourself, but that doesn't mean altering your image in any way. So instead, that means choosing pictures that tell a story about who you are, where your personality comes through, and you're really not trying to be the picture-perfect version of yourself if your ultimate goal is actually to connect with someone and have them like you back."Chan encourages daters to think of each photo on a dating app as showing a different side of their personality. The first photo, she says, should be a clear head shot; the second, a clear body shot. But after that, each picture should be a jumping off point for someone to get to know you more deeply."Think about it like giving someone a hook to start a conversation," she says. "A big mistake I see is when people just post glamour shot after glamour shot. We get it, you’re pretty. What else is there?"And most of all, don't get discouraged. Dating is hard, yes. But kittenfishing only makes it worse."It also points to the scarcity mindset that’s prevailing in the culture right now," Chan says of the trend. "Daters are losing hope, think there’s no good partners out there, and that it’s harder than ever to meet someone viable, let alone feel a connection."

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