I don’t bear Charles any ill will, but please, spare me the street parties

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t’ll have to be a quickie column today, I’m afraid. I haven’t even started hemming my bunting.

I did, probably like you, order my £36.99 Argos lifesize cardboard cutout of King Charles weeks ago, but the increasingly desperate coronation press releases I receive tell me there’s only three days to go and so much to do. I need to gather Charles III mugs, coasters, tea towels and “garden party florals”, whatever they are, for my royal tablescape. I need to make a broad bean quiche even though it sounds disgusting, no one will eat it and it will end up in the bin like all quiches do, and rightly so. Here’s an expert telling me how to make paper lanterns and customised street signs (no

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