Dear Vix, I am simmering with anger all the time at the moment and I’ll be honest, I’m having trouble keeping a lid on it. But I know that if I talk openly about it with my husband, it will cause any number of issues at home between us – because the person I’m furious with is his mother. Don’t get me wrong – his mother is generous and kind, but also immensely overbearing and intrusive. Since we had our first baby (now four months old) she constantly “drops round” our house unnanounced. It’s like she doesn’t even consider that the baby might be napping – or that I might have things to do in that precious hour when I race around tidying up, doing the dishwasher or (God forbid) try and have a shower (or a lie down) myself. Every single minute is crucial and she just bulldozes in whenever she likes! Why can’t she call or text first and check it’s OK? I’ve asked her to, countless times, but she just doesn’t listen! My husband never stands up to her, either. He won’t tell her because he says it would hurt her feelings and says that she “just wants to be part of her grandson’s life, and what’s wrong with that?” But he’s not even around half the time, because he’s out at work – so he doesn’t realise how infuriating it is! And even worse, when his mother is round the house, she just constantly gives this incessant stream of “advice” about the baby that I didn’t ask for. She’ll tell me he’s too hot, or too cold, or that I’m feeding him wrong (and Lord help me when she hovers over me, watching and scrutinising, while I’m trying to breastfeed...); she once tried to pull him off me when I was rocking him to get him down for a nap to show me a “better way” to do it!I can’t stand it, honestly – I’m seriously reaching the end of my tether. I’m going to blow up, soon, and have an immense row, I can feel it... with my husband or her. And I don’t want to cause a family rift, but I’m so incredibly frustrated. Help.Going MadDear Going Mad, My utter sympathies for the curse of the unsolicited advice you didn’t want – or ask for. I didn’t realise until I became a parent, either, how pervasive this was; from family (certainly), but even from total strangers. On my first trip out of the house to the local shopping mall alone with my (then) four-week-old daughter, who had a poo explosion all over her clothes requiring a full clothing and nappy change – twice – I was sitting down in a cafe to catch my breath, close to tears and quite exhausted, when two older women decided to come over to tell me I hadn’t dressed her warmly enough. They shuffled over to the pram and started fussing over her and shaking their heads at me, while telling me with a mixture of hand signals and a few words in English that I was doing it “wrong”; that she was “cold” and that I was “bad”. I knew they were just concerned and trying to help and that difficulties with communication made it sound worse than it was, but it was still utterly humiliating and made me feel terrible! I cried and went home immediately, after that.For more from Vix, sign up to her Independent Women newsletter – a weekly dose of smart, sharp and unflinching stories on the issues that matter most.So, I get it. The number of times I’ve had to grit my teeth, bite my tongue and breathe when someone chips in with some advice you didn’t ask for – or want (and it still happens to me today, even though my daughter is a teenager)... oof. I think we might all need to take a quiet moment, just thinking about it. What I want to focus on though is something I pick up in the first line of your letter – which is that you sound close to breaking point overall, not just with your mother-in-law (though she’s certainly proving the final straw). When you say you are “simmering with anger all the time” and that you’re feeling “furious” and are having “trouble keeping a lid on it” – well, are you really OK? Because to me, you don’t sound like you are getting enough support with the baby. You’re exhausted and run-down – no wonder you’re at the end of your tether. Would it help to go and talk to someone about these feelings – perhaps a GP? Or a support group such as PANDAS Foundation? It sounds like you’re trying to do everything – be mum, be cleaner, look after yourself and your son, and also manage the emotional needs of your husband and his own mother. He’s not prepared to step in and tell her to back off, so he’s doing the cowardly thing of letting you deal with that as well as everything else. I don’t like that for you very much, and I think the place you need to start is by telling him – in no uncertain terms – that you need him to step up for you now. He is at work when she comes round, so he has neatly passed the issue over to you. And to be honest, it does not sound like he’s really listening or hearing what you are saying about how you feel about his mother’s intrusion. I’m sure she’s got a good heart and her constant, overbearing presence and unwanted advice comes from a place of good intent (and also anxiety, because she’s unnecessarily worrying about her grandson) but you are a team. You are parents – you’re not supposed to be doing this on your own. The bond with a mother-in-law is testing at the very best of times, let alone when you’re sleep-deprived, struggling to get your head around life post-partum, and learning how to mother “on the job”. What I think you need here are boundaries. Boundaries put in place by you – and by your husband on your behalf. He gets to go to work every day and wee in peace – even (shock!) make himself a coffee – but it doesn’t sound like he’s had much practice laying down any concrete boundaries with his own family. He has a family of his own, now – you and your son – so it’s time to put them in place. I would start by explaining to him very clearly and succinctly that your mother-in-law’s interference feels less helpful and more like an intrusion. Tell him where you really are and how you are feeling, and that you are reaching the end of your patience with it. Shock him, even, by telling him that if he doesn’t step in and say something, you will. And given that you’re so sleep-deprived and short-tempered, it will be much, much better coming from him. But put a time limit on it. Your husband sounds a little avoidant – so, if he doesn’t tell his mother to ring/text first before turning up at the house – and to calm down on the unsolicited advice – in good time (as in, the next few weeks) then I want you to go right ahead with your “threat”.The next time your mother-in-law drops by unnanounced, I’d like you to be firm (but still polite) and stay at the door without letting her in and say, without apology: “It’s not a good time for us right now – but if you want to come by for a cup of tea on () that would be great!” Then you can say goodbye and go and finally lie down. And the next time she gives you some overbearing advice you didn’t want, I’d urge you to try saying this: “We’ve decided to do things differently, so we’re OK thanks.” Rinse and repeat. Boundaries – you’re going to have to teach her some!Do you have a problem you would like to raise anonymously with Dear Vix? Issues with love, relationships, family and work? Email dearvix@independent.co.uk