By CAROLINE WEST-MEADS, AGONY AUNT, YOU MAGAZINE Updated: 17:03 BST, 28 August 2026
Q My daughter is 15 and one of her closest friends, also 15, is like a second daughter to me because she is always at our house. Her own mum sadly died when she was five and she has been brought up by her dad and, more recently, her stepmother. They are both perfectly nice and she loves them, but neither finds it easy to talk about emotional issues. She recently confided that she wants to sleep with her boyfriend but isn’t sure she’s ready. She made me promise not to tell her dad. I’ve gently told her I think she is too young and that sex before she feels truly ready could leave her emotionally hurt, even though her boyfriend seems like a nice lad. He is only four months older, aged 16. I’ve also explained that he could technically be breaking the law, and that someone who really cares about her shouldn’t pressure her into sex. I have made sure she understands the importance of contraception and safe sex just in case. I plan to keep her confidence as I don’t want to lose her trust, but I feel guilty about not telling her dad. I’m sure he’d want to know that his daughter is struggling with such a big decision. Am I doing the right thing? And am I legally obliged to report this because she is underage? My teenage daughter's best friend recently confided that she wants to sleep with her boyfriend but isn’t sure she’s ready. She made me promise not to tell her dad, writes a reader (picture posed by models)A Have you ever thought about training as a counsellor? Because your instincts are perfect. You’ve handled this beautifully, offering calm, thoughtful guidance without judging, lecturing or saying, ‘You can’t, it’s against the law.’ That approach would only risk driving her away. I hope she takes your advice. Fifteen, and often even 16, is usually too young to cope with the emotional consequences of a sexual relationship. I also hope her boyfriend really is a nice young lad and is prepared to wait. Teenage girls are often searching for love, acceptance and reassurance rather than sex, and are then heartbroken if the relationship ends. Losing her mother so young may make her especially vulnerable to seeking comfort and security in a boyfriend. Please don’t feel guilty about keeping her confidence. Ideally, teenagers would always turn to their parents, but many find talking about sex with them unbearably embarrassing. The most important thing is that she feels able to confide in you. As her boyfriend is virtually the same age, this doesn’t suggest grooming or abuse, so you are not legally obliged to report it. However, if you became concerned she was being pressured, exploited or at risk of harm, that would be different. Your daughter and her friend are lucky to have such an emotionally intelligent mother figure in their lives.Why do I keep losing my temper?Q I have been with my partner for nearly two years. I am in my early 50s and have a grown-up daughter from my previous marriage who lives with her boyfriend. My former husband was verbally and physically abusive and I have had no contact with him since my daughter was five. My partner has a 12-year-old daughter. He is great and, most of the time, we get on very well, although we sometimes disagree about her behaviour. She is mostly lovely but she can have a bit of an attitude, and I think he should challenge her more. Recently, though, whenever we disagree, I fly into uncontrollable rages. He does not deserve this. I don’t understand why I can’t keep my temper.A Some women report intense, sudden anger with the onset of menopause or perimenopause, so it is worth seeing your GP to discuss this. But it could run deeper. Abusive relationships leave scars. When you shout at your partner, you are not really shouting at him but at your former husband and pouring out all the rage you couldn’t express then as you had no voice. So when your partner disagrees with you, even though he is calm, it can feel as though you are being silenced all over again. Ironically, old trauma often surfaces only when we finally feel safe. Talk to your partner about all this. Understanding the reasons might be enough, or you could seek counselling to stop these rages damaging a loving relationship.
