It's the age-old question self-help authors have been trying to answer for decades: what is the secret to a happy relationship? From as early as the 1930s, advice columnists, psychologists and dating coaches have peddled tips, tricks, strategies and techniques to meet your soulmate, identify red flags, modify their behaviour, or decode what a 'man really means'. While it's natural to think vintage love advice has no place in today's world, relationship experts have suggested many of the dilemmas they addressed are still relevant to women in 2026. 'We may laugh at a 1950s rule about how long a woman should wait for a man to telephone, then spend half an hour online trying to work out how long we should wait before replying to a text,' life coach Fiona Harrold told the Daily Mail. Dating and feminine energy coach Kate Mansfield added that while 'none of this advice was written to help women feel good', a few of these ideas contain a 'decent instinct buried under a pile of shame'. Together, the pair have sifted the good from the bad while rewriting the rules for love - from allowing men to drive in silence to ditching the PDA - for a better chance at finding or keeping your happily ever after. Click Photo-Parade magazine's vintage dating advice from 1938 In 1938, American magazine Click Photo-Parade published a list of dating tips for single women that ranged from funny to controlling Dating coach Kate highlighted one bit of advice that stood out to her, noting it was 'damaging' to suggest that 'any open show of affection is in bad taste' and 'humiliates' men In 1938, American magazine Click Photo-Parade published a list of dating tips for single women that ranged from funny ('don't use a car mirror to fix your make-up') to controlling ('don't be conspicuous talking to other men'). Dating coach Kate highlighted one bit of advice that stood out to her, noting it was 'damaging' to suggest that 'any open show of affection is in bad taste' and 'humiliates' men. 'The framing is awful, because it makes a woman responsible for managing a man's embarrassment before she has even considered her own desire,' Kate explained. But the idea that 'private intimacy is more powerful than public performance' is worth keeping. 'Adapt it to this: let the relationship be real before you make it public. Do not adopt it as a rule about not touching the man you love in daylight,' she advised. What Men Don't Like About Women by Thomas D Horton (1945) American author Thomas D Horton suggested women have a knack for 'choosing uncomfortable restaurants' and insensibly erupting in giggles or weeping at the cinema He warned men hate women's 'vulgar talk in bed', suggesting 'they want reticence, soft, still, inner music, speechlessness, mad oblivion' insteadThomas D Horton compiled a list of the feminine habits men are most turned off by in a 144-page manual that has been widely criticised. The American author suggested women have a knack for 'choosing uncomfortable restaurants' and insensibly erupting in giggles or weeping at the cinema. He warned men hate women's 'vulgar talk in bed', suggesting 'they want reticence, soft, still, inner music, speechlessness, mad oblivion' instead. The manual reeks of its time, according to life coach and author Fiona Harrold. 'This was written when it really was a "man's world",' she said. 'The advice fit with a time when women were seen and hardly heard.'It shows the lack of freedom women had in those days when husbands held the purse strings and women had to rely on them for everything.' Her advice is to disregard Mr Horton's book entirely and 'stop worrying' about how men may perceive you. 'Start asking what you like about the man instead,' Fiona added. 'The aim isn’t to please everyone - it’s to find someone who appreciates the person you actually are.' The Girlfriend and The Boyfriend's advice in 1952 A piece in The Girlfriend and The Boyfriend magazine cautioned women who were looking for love against being 'teasers' In 1952, an American publication called The Girlfriend and The Boyfriend warned men against women who are 'teasers' and go out of their way to 'bait boys with obvious displays of physical charm' in a dating advice article. 'A teaser never wins in the long run, for no boy wants to marry a girl who enjoys showing off her charms to others,' the piece cautioned women who were looking for love. Fiona said: 'What strikes me is the impossible tightrope girls were expected to walk. They were encouraged to be pretty and attractive and to flirt - but heaven forbid they attracted too much attention or appeared to enjoy their own sexuality.' The underlying message was that a girl was responsible not only for her own behaviour but for a boy’s response to her, which is a dangerous idea. 'I’d want young women to hear something very different today. You are allowed to enjoy being attractive, to flirt and to express your sexuality without being shamed for it,' she said, reframing the advice. Most importantly, you are not responsible for somebody else’s desires simply because of what you wear or how you look at them, Fiona reiterated.'129 Ways to Get a Husband' published by McCall's magazine in 1958 Reading the piece in 2026 is a 'hilarious' exercise, Fiona said, noting suggestions like breaking down your car or looking for widowers in the obituariesLaunched in 1873, the American women's magazine detailed '129 Ways to Get a Husband', including 'stand in a corner and cry softly' or 'point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men'. Reading the piece in 2026 is a 'hilarious' exercise, Fiona said, noting suggestions like breaking down your car or looking for widowers in the obituaries.However, Fiona appreciated the 'intentionality of this kind of advice'. She explained: 'It puts the reader into a place of empowerment where she is clear on the outcome and can follow a plan to achieve the goal. 'It reminds me of later dating books that suggest following the same strategy in dating as you would in your career.'She-Manners: The Teen Girls' Book of Etiquette by Rob Loeb (1959) The author covered topics like 'how to be more attractive' or 'how to dress' in his manual targeted towards a younger audience, as Fiona noted it perfectly illustrates how much responsibility was placed on young women for managing men’s feelings 'I shudder at the thought of a teenage girl reading this advice,' Fiona declared, referring to Robert Loeb's 'informal re-telling of the charm story'. The author covered topics like 'how to be more attractive' or 'how to dress' in his manual targeted towards a younger audience, as Fiona noted it perfectly illustrates how much responsibility was placed on young women for managing men’s feelings.For example, one paragraph reads: 'To make him feel important, you have to forget your own desires for importance. Compliment him on his physical prowess, his mental acumen, his good looks, his virility ... lay it on thick but subtly. 'Stroke his ego. Let him think he’s king much of the time. He will love you for it, and, you know, it will make you feel extremely feminine.'Fiona said the book felt a long way away from the swinging 60s, adding: 'It's common sense to make another person feel good, but negating yourself in the process is not healthy.' She added it 'saddens me' that young women were learning how to make themselves smaller, adding:'I would give them completely different advice. Don't dim your intelligence, ambition or personality to make somebody else comfortable. 'A healthy relationship isn’t one in which you have to shrink yourself to protect another person’s ego.'Sex and the Single Girl by Helen Gurley Brown (1962) While evaluating whether Helen Gurley Brown's tips had stood the test of time, Fiona said that 'there are a lot of ideas here that are brilliant' if you are looking for a partnerFormer Cosmopolitan editor Helen Gurley Brown's dating bible was published in 1962 and was packed full of actionable advice for meeting a man in real life. While evaluating whether her tips had stood the test of time, Fiona said that 'there are a lot of ideas here that are brilliant' if you are looking for a partner. The author recommended joining political clubs, taking flights frequently because 'planes can be great providers of men', and even making the rounds of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. 'I don't know her personally but a friend tells me a friend of hers plucked herself a steady beau and subsequent husband from AA,' Helen wrote, adding: 'If you are going to try this approach, I suggest you try a wealthy chapter of AA.While her advice may seem outlandish, Fiona felt that the underlying message was to stop treating singlehood as a 'waiting room where you sit until your real life begins'. 'But I’d take it one step further. Don’t build a fabulous life to become more attractive to men. Build a fabulous life because it’s yours,' she said.'Then, if somebody wonderful comes along, you’re choosing a partner rather than looking for someone to complete you.' The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating and Mating by Albert Ellis (1963) While Ellis deserves some credit for saying women should have real sexual desire in 1963, Kate urged women to read between the linesClinical psychologist and marriage counsellor Albert Ellis penned The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating and Mating to help women find 'suitable companions' for romantic relationships 'within or without marriage'. Despite the progressive sell, Kate said advice like 'Discard Victorian prudery and experiment with sex' actually reads as being 'half coercive'. While Ellis deserves some credit for saying women should have real sexual desire in 1963, Kate urged women to read between the lines. 'Reluctance was reframed as neurosis, hesitant women were mocked, men who preferred a woman to wait were dismissed as fascists, and the reviewers of the day noticed that the recommended answer was essentially “yes, immediately”,' she shared. 'He also assured women that affluent people did not catch [diseases], which is the sort of confidence that ages very badly.'In 2026, 'keep the permission but bin the pressure,' Kate advised. 'Yes, own your desire, stop apologising for wanting sex, and do not let shame run your body. But any advice that treats your no as a psychological defect is not liberation. Sexual freedom without the freedom to decline is not freedom.'The art of dating by Evelyn Millis Duvall (1967) Evelyn, who died in 1998, co-authored the relationship guide with her daughter Joy Duvall Johnson, and it was largely praised at the time for its 'common sense approach to social adjustmentBilled as a 'frank and mature approach to dating', pioneering family development expert Evelyn Millis Duvall offered practical advice for both men and women to help them navigate social interactions. Evelyn, who died in 1998, co-authored the relationship guide with her daughter Joy Duvall Johnson, and it was largely praised at the time for its 'common sense approach to social adjustment'. 'Duvall was a proper academic, and it shows,' said Kate, noting how the book had not aged terribly.Guidance that 'Dates should be planned with plenty of time in advance' is still just as useful for people trying to navigate the minefield of modern romance. 'Planning ahead is not about etiquette; it is about a man demonstrating that he can think, organise and follow through,' Kate explained. 'This is the cleanest possible test of intention, and it filters out an enormous amount of modern nonsense in about a fortnight. She added: 'The man who books something for next Saturday is behaving differently from the man who texts “you up” at half nine on a Thursday.' On the other hand, the same book also notes that a clever girl should 'pretend to be dumber than she is' as Kate noted how 'normal it was for women to shrink themselves' at the time The Art of Dating was published. How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You by Tracy Cabot (1984) The author, who has a PhD in psychology, offered what she says are 'scientifically tested and proven techniques' to 'keep love alive for a lifetime' Tracy Cabot's 1984 self-help book promises readers it will help them 'find the love of your life', 'make chemistry happen at will' and, perhaps the tallest claim of them all, 'keep love alive for a lifetime'. The author, who has a PhD in psychology, offered what she says are 'scientifically tested and proven techniques' including mirroring or 'subtly copying your date's posture, breathing rate and gestures to create unconscious rapport'. While Tracy's advice is rooted in science, Kate felt it was still a 'terrible instruction'. Mimicry only builds rapport if it happens naturally, she explained, adding: 'The moment a woman is sitting there monitoring his breathing rate, she has left her own body and gone into the control room. 'That is the death of feminine energy, because attraction is built on being felt, not on being calculated.'Another pitfall self-help authors neglect to mention is that 'being copied is not the same as being loved'. 'If a man falls for a version of himself that you performed, you now have to keep performing it forever,' Kate shared. 'Exhausting, and it is a large part of why so many high-achieving women end up in relationships where they feel invisible.' Adapting Tracy's advice, Kate said: 'Stop mirroring him and start attuning to him.' The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (1995) The controversial self-help guide to 'capturing the heart of Mr Right' was co-authored by New York-based writers Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider in 1995The Rules remains one of the most controversial dating books despite being one of the more recent additions to the category. The self-help guide to 'capturing the heart of Mr Right' was co-authored by New York-based writers Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, who claimed the secret to finding everlasting love was making yourself 'smaller, quieter, tidier, and less inconvenient', Kate said. For her, the 'most upsetting' bit of advice was to 'get a nose job [or] colour grey hair' to become more appealing to men. 'Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward,' the 1995 book read. 'If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; colour grey hair.'Readers were encouraged to 'get a nose job' and 'be quiet and mysterious' so that men would find them more appealing. Criticising the 'damaging' guidance, Kate said: 'This tells a woman that her face is a defect to be corrected before she is fit for love. There is nothing to salvage from the surgery part.' If Kate had to rewrite the 'rule', she would remind women that 'feeling good in your own skin' is one of the most attractive qualities. 'Do the things that make you feel alive, whether that is decent sleep, strength training, a haircut you love or the grey hair you have decided to keep,' the relationship coach added. 'Do them because they are yours, not because a man is inspecting you.'Re-reading The Rules, Kate said that the suggestion to 'allow men to drive in silence' was both 'wacky and quietly sinister'. 'Sometimes, men just want to drive in silence,' Ellen and Sherrie wrote. 'Maybe he’s thinking about how he’s going to propose to you one day. Don’t ruin his concentration.'While the instruction to allow men silence or time to process their feelings internally is fine, the 'sinister part is the fantasy attached to it,' Kate said. 'Women were being taught to read silence as secret devotion and to be grateful,' she explained. 'That is exactly the habit that keeps brilliant women in situationships for two years, inventing meaning in the gaps rather than asking a direct question. Keep the comfort with silence. Her advice? 'Bin the mind-reading entirely.' If you want to know what he is thinking, ask him, and notice how he responds to being asked.