Plenty of British holidaymakers will be coming back from luxury Club Med breaks this week, and I can only hope they had a better time than I did earlier this year.After spending £3,000 on a four-night family stay at one of their resorts, I’d envisaged a warm welcome at the hotel reception, a cold flannel on a tray, a chilled glass of freshly squeezed orange juice or perhaps champagne, a total escape from the daily grind of Norwich, where I work in marketing. Instead, I found myself sipping tepid water which I’d poured myself from a glass jug.The young staff hadn’t been rude, just nonchalant. Still, the reception of the premium Da Balaia resort in Portugal was suitably luxurious: all marble, natural stone and lush plants. Maybe this was just a blip. After all, the French holiday company promotes itself as a ‘premium’ all-inclusive brand and, although we’d never been to Club Med before, friends had spoken highly about their offerings in various ski resorts.I liked that it offered a health focus with yoga and sporting activities and, of course, that it was described as luxurious. So we sacrificed our usual February half-term break for four days of spring sun in the Easter holidays. It was our first all-inclusive. After years of villa holidays in France, with our two children, eight and ten, we were lured by a complete break from cooking and cleaning, and ‘a perfect family escape’ to ‘a world of leisure and excitement’.But things didn’t improve as we were shown to our room, via a grotty stairwell and seven flights of stairs. The lift was broken (and remained broken for the whole of our stay. While one was still in operation, the queues were invariably huge). Fortunately on arrival, the luggage had been taken to our room already (not so on departure when we left for an early flight and, with no staff available, had to drag our suitcases down the stairs ourselves).Our two-bedroom suite – where I’d imagined thick, fluffy towels and sumptuous beds – only led to more disappointment. The bed was rock hard, the sheets and towels paper thin. There were dark stains on the carpet, holes in the walls, coffee rings on the tables and more stains inside the wardrobes and drawers.We flicked the TV on to see if we could get any films for the kids while we unpacked, but none of the channels were working. Both bathrooms were dated and there were no lovely complimentary toiletries, just unbranded paper-wrapped soaps.‘There are water coolers down the corridor,’ we were told by the hotel porter when we enquired about complimentary water in the rooms. It was all very different from the online pictures which had drawn us in, and certainly not worthy of the amount we were spending. Samantha was disappointed to find no loungers, towels or parasols were provided at the resort Club Med Da Balaia in the Algarve region of Portugal says it offers 29 included activities, such as golf and tennis, but Samantha discovered many activities don't run on weekendsComplaining and asking to change rooms isn’t really our style; we’d have found it embarrassing to make a fuss. Plus we assumed the issues would have been the same throughout. So, with the kids fairly oblivious, my husband Greg and I kept quiet and vowed to make the best of it, reasoning we could still make happy memories.Heading down for breakfast on our first morning, I was hoping for a delicious spread of fresh fruit, yogurts, pastries and a menu offering eggs benedict or smoked salmon. Instead, we were greeted with a paltry display mostly of unhealthy options – pancakes, muffins and waffles.As for waiting staff, we were very much left to our own devices, with no information about the food and no chance of a good quality, freshly ground coffee – it was horrible and straight from a machine.I remained optimistic about lunch and evening meals, particularly as the latter came with the option of eating at the a la carte restaurant. But when I tried to book it, I was told it was fully booked on Saturday and Sunday and closed on Monday and Tuesday.So it was breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same uninspiring buffet. I couldn’t even drown my sorrows. The house wine was acidic and I didn’t fancy complaining because I assumed they’d just tell me to fork out for one of the better ones that weren’t included.Still, the location was stunning. Perched on a cliff with an adjoining golf course, gorgeous views and a two-minute walk to the sandy beach. I couldn’t wait to relax on a sunlounger with a book and maybe even a cocktail in between playing with the kids. But there weren’t any loungers, towels or parasols provided and no attendants to ask. So no shade or comfort, let alone cocktails.We headed back to the hotel, assuming there would be plenty to amuse us. But it transpired that, while not mentioned on the website, many of the activities didn’t run on Saturdays and Sundays. Bang went the yoga classes I’d so looked forward to, and the tennis lessons my son was excited about. Even the kids’ club was closed at the weekend. (When it did open my daughter spent just a few hours there as the staff only spoke French.)Over the weekend, the hotel was packed with guests – mostly French and British families – and, I suspect, locals who’d bought day passes to use the facilities. The result was a very overcrowded pool. We tried to find alternatives such as crazy golf but the course was incredibly rundown and one of the nine holes was closed. An added irritation was that most of the security gates in the hotel grounds were broken, necessitating a detour round the back of the building past the bins. It hardly screamed luxury.As for the early breakfast we’d requested on checkout? A few bits of fruit which did nothing to assuage the feeling we’d been thoroughly ripped off. I didn’t write and complain, I’m far too British. Silly, really. But Club Med? More like Club Meh. We won’t be going back.A Club Med spokesman said: ‘We are sorry to hear that this family’s stay at Club Med Da Balaia did not meet their expectations. We want every guest to have a high-quality experience at our resorts, and some of the experiences described, particularly in relation to the condition of the accommodation and facilities, do not reflect the standards we aim to provide. 'We take all guest feedback seriously and have shared these comments with the resort team to help us identify where improvements may be needed. As the concerns were not raised during the stay, our team did not have the opportunity to investigate and resolve them at the time. We would welcome direct contact from the family so their experience can be fully reviewed.’Susannah Billings is a pseudonym. Other identifiable details have been changed.