Calling someone you’re close to at work your “work wife” or “work husband” may seem like a bit of fun. Still, psychotherapists say that these relationships with colleagues can sometimes veer into dangerous territory, and there are warning signs to look out for.
Mark Vahrmeyer, a UKCP registered psychotherapist says: “Calling somebody your ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’ can legitimise a degree of intimacy, loyalty or emotional entitlement that we might otherwise recognise as needing clearer boundaries. If the relationship really is simply a close friendship with a colleague, we might reasonably ask why we need to borrow the language of marriage to describe it.”
Why do so many of us find ourselves drawn to close friendships with colleagues? Vahrmeyer says: “Psychologically, a close friendship with a work colleague can allow us to reconnect with parts of ourselves that have become neglected. Somebody may feel more spontaneous, desirable or alive around a particular colleague and conclude that the colleague is uniquely special, when what they may actually be encountering is a part of themselves that has become dormant within their established relationship or wider life.”
There is, of course, nothing inherently problematic about having a close, emotionally supportive relationship with somebody at work. We spend a significant part of our lives with colleagues, often in situations involving pressure, shared purpose and mutual reliance, so strong attachments naturally develop.
