This was a soupy August evening where the metaphors hung even more heavily than the air, as Manchester United and Leeds came to the country whose football they overshadow and kicked off beneath a literal eclipse. At Croke Park, no less.The Premier League has never had any pretensions to subtlety.It is tempting to interpret the blotting out of the sun as some vengeful message from the great Vigilance Committee in the sky, venting their fury at an association that has so comprehensively reneged on their lifelong spirit of interdiction.For the GAA has long forgotten their ancient days of censoriousness. They no longer indulge in the prim moralising that Samuel Beckett parodied with the character of the Victorian Gael, but have moved adroitly with the times. If Beckett were around today, he would realise we are in the age of the Capitalist Gael. (He would also have found a fine existential muse in the concept of the preseason friendly.)The split season has emptied August of activity and allowed the GAA to throw Croke Park’s gates open to any and all money-spinning business such as this. Such is their conformity with our current age of money; a poster on the wall by the door to the press box quoted an excerpt from a recent economic impact report to tell us that it would cost about €1 billion to replace the GAA’s total number of volunteers with paid labour. That the GAA are now putting a price on the supposedly priceless will tell you what a thoroughly modern organisation they have become.Andrey Santos of Manchester United is challenged by Ao Tanaka of Leeds United at Croke Park. Photograph: Getty Images The GAA’s prime asset was not all that was sweating on a scorching evening. Your correspondent peeled himself out of a train at Connolly Station and was headbutted by the heat, ferried to the stadium in a lazy river flow of cheery supporters. Children talked excitedly of the players they hoped to see as adults slurped cans of beer before they got too warm. Irish United fans stretched their mouths wide to give a Mancunian twang to their chants.The event’s preamble had all the inane trappings of modern sports entertainment. It had a title: The Inaugural Boylesports Cup 2026; a thundering PA system that took breaks only for advertisements; and an excitable announcer telling fans to make some noise while roaring down said noise. It was seasoned with a bit of Gaeldom, with an Irish dancing performance, an acoustic version of Dirty Old Town, and the excitable announcer asking English visitors what they think of Croke Park.When it comes to rooting out the influence of Anglicism, the Premier League has met the GAA halfway. After all, this was technically a clash between a private limited company domiciled in the Cayman Islands and a portfolio asset belonging to the investment arm of the San Francisco 49ers. There were just six starting English players across both teams, one of whom was Leeds’ new goalkeeper, James Trafford. He was lustily booed in the early minutes, likely for committing the sin of playing for Manchester City.Andrey Santos was United’s sole summer signing included from the off, as Michael Carrick blended experience like Bryan Mbuemo, Joshua Zirkzee and Diogo Dalot with youngsters Harry Amass and Tyler Fletcher. Mbuemo was United’s outstanding first-half performer, wriggling free from a challenge and skating away down the left wing before pulling the ball back to allow Joshua Zirkzee fire United into a 16th-minute lead. United started sharply and the game’s pace was not quite as sedate as many may have feared, but they still dozily allowed Leeds to equalise when Brendan Aaronson was given too much time in the box. Mbuemo continued to lead United’s attack, slamming a superb shot off the underside of the crossbar.Manchester United's Patrick Dorgu during the preseason friendly at Croke Park. Photograph: Getty Images The loudest cheer of the night came on the hour mark when Bruno Fernandes was introduced from the bench amid a gaggle of United substitutes that included another new signing, Youri Tielemans. Fernandes’s heralding interrupted what was a largely staid and zestless second half. The United fans in attendance thought they had got some value for their tickets 10 minutes from the end when Fernandes rifled a shot beneath the Leeds goalkeeper, only to be flagged offside. Fernandes then curled a terrific long-range shot off the top of the crossbar.The game ended in a comic farce as a couple of children ran on to the pitch to get selfies with the United captain. With stewards apparently uninterested, a series of children were thus emboldened to run on, phones flailing at the end of their arms. Following the fifth child invader, referee Neil Doyle simply blew for full-time. Given The Inaugural Boylesports Cup 2026 simply had to be awarded, after a 1-1 draw the game went to a penalty shoot-out. Fernandes missed his spot kick, side-footing wide, but United won in sudden death, Nasir Mazraoui converting after James Justin hit the bar. Fernandes fulfilled the honour of walking up the steps of the Hogan Stand to accept the trophy. Seconds before Fernandes’s goal was ruled out for offside, the announcer screeched that the attendance was a full house of 82,300, making this the best-ever attended football game in the history of the State. That it didn’t feature a single Irish player and was played at a venue to which Irish football has no claim is another heavy bit of symbolism.