An etiquette expert has given his verdict on the chicest high society birthday occasions - following a string of celebrations, including Meghan Markle's 45th birthday.Meghan Markle's 45th birthday was a social media production instead of a private 'family occasion', an etiquette expert has said. The Duchess of Sussex, who has lived in Montecito, California since 2020, recently selected black-and-white solo images of herself as she jumped into an outside pool to mark turning a year older on August 4.Neither her husband, the Duke of Sussex, nor their children, Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet, were anywhere to be seen in the snap or the subsequent video she posted on her Instagram Stories of her dancing - with the focus solely on Meghan. 'When I was growing up, milestone birthdays were 18, 21, 50, and 60,' said former royal butler Julius Smith. 'A 45th birthday did not carry the expectation that it should become an event in itself.' While there is nothing wrong with celebrating another year of life, 'what concerns me is that the celebration itself can sometimes take second place to the publicity' that surrounds it, he added. While fanfare, themes, the menu and outfits are all important considerations growing up, birthdays in your 40s and 50s should celebrate relationships, Julius told the Daily Mail. From Victoria Beckham's 'understated' 52nd birthday to F1 heiress Tamara Ecclestone's family-oriented party, he noted how 'the finest were never the biggest'. 'They were discreet, personal occasions where everyone felt relaxed enough simply to enjoy themselves.'Meghan Markle Meghan shared footage of herself dancing around her kitchen while wearing a novelty, plastic tiara and a T-shirt that read 'It's giving Mrs' Meghan also posted a photo of herself jumping into an outdoor pool while holding a bunch of balloons On Tuesday, the Montecito-based Duchess thanked her followers 'for the birthday love' alongside a photograph of herself, holding balloons, as she leaped into an outdoor pool. Later in the day, she shared footage of herself dancing around her kitchen while wearing a novelty, plastic tiara and a T-shirt that read 'It's giving Mrs'. She is thought to have spent her birthday with her husband Prince Harry and their two children, Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet, with her friend Tracy Robbins also seemingly surprising Meghan with a Mahjong-themed cake. 'There is absolutely nothing wrong with dancing in your kitchen, wearing a playful tiara or enjoying a birthday at home with your family,' Julius explained. 'If that is genuinely how you choose to celebrate, then good luck to you.'Where I do become slightly uneasy is when a birthday begins to feel more like a photoshoot than a family occasion. 'The very best celebrations simply happen. People remember them because they enjoyed themselves, not because every moment was carefully documented.'Eugenie Niarchos Shipping heiress Eugenie Niarchos's Greek birthday party was 'centred on people, rather than presentation', said JuliusShipping heiress Eugenie Niarchos's Greek birthday party was 'centred on people, rather than presentation', said Julius. The granddaughter of shipping magnate Stavros Niarchos organised a lavish island extravaganza for her 40th birthday that was attended by Monegasque and fashion royalty alike. The celebrations included open-air discos and intimate dinners, but nothing stood out more than the easy friendship on display among the group, most of whom met at boarding school, Tatler reported. People don't remember their birthdays for the bells and whistles - the three-tiered cake or fancy decoration - but for how they felt surrounded by the ones they love most. 'Sometimes the simplest celebrations leave the greatest impression,' the etiquette expert added. Alice Naylor-Leyland Lady Mary posed for pictures with model Poppy Delevingne (pictured left) and Alice (pictured right)Alice Naylor-Leyland's nearest and dearest gathered in Italy for her 40th birthday celebrations that had a 'real sense of occasion without descending into fancy dress', according to Julius. The homeware designer and mother-of-four hosted friends like Lady Mary Charteris, Poppy Delevingne, and the stepdaughter of the Marquess of Bute, Jazzy DeLisser, at Villa Cetinale in Tuscany last month. The British-born socialite ushered in a new decade with ball gowns, ponies and even coordinated dancing, as Lady Mary declared 'we went full mambo Italiano' in a post on Instagram. 'What I particularly admire is that there is a real sense of occasion without descending into fancy dress,' explained Julius, referring to the black-tie dress code and formal setting. 'I have always believed birthdays are one of those occasions when people should make an effort,' he continued. Victoria Beckham Posh Spice, who turned 52 in April, thanked her friends and family in a heartfelt Instagram post, which included two photos of the designer with her birthday cakeThe party 'strikes me as being rather understated' despite the obvious glamour that comes with being a Beckham, said Julius. Posh Spice, who turned 52 in April, thanked her friends and family in a heartfelt Instagram post, which included two photos of the designer with her birthday cake. Wearing a shoulderless satin dress, Victoria could be seen beaming before she blew out her candles. Her caption read: 'Dream big then dream even bigger!!!'The most magical day with my family and friends. Thank you for all your love and kindness. I feel so grateful'.She also went out for dinner with her daughter Harper at Casadonna in Miami ahead of her birthday. The mother-daughter duo were pictured sharing a sweet embrace after Victoria was surprised with a white birthday cake at the table. Commenting on the singer-turned-designer's birthday, Julus said: 'The emphasis appears to be on spending time with those closest to her rather than creating headlines. 'I have always thought there is something rather elegant about that.'Poppy Delevingne While some regarded Poppy Delevingne's (pictured) star-studded 40th birthday party in London as the event of the year, Julius said it takes more than a heavyweight guest list and the air of exclusivity to make a gathering memorableWhile some regarded Poppy Delevingne's star-studded 40th birthday party in London as the event of the year, Julius said it takes more than a heavyweight guest list and the air of exclusivity to make a gathering memorable. Pop royalty Taylor Swift and her now-husband, NFL star Travis Kelce, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, Princess Maria-Olympia of Greece and Denmark, singer Rita Ora, and actress Lily James were all photographed making their way to the birthday girl's favourite pub in London. They partied the night away at a luxury hotel in the capital, but Julius felt a key ingredient was missing. The event's guest list read like a who's who of London society and drew Hollywood stars but lacked warmth, he explained. 'I have always thought the guest list should be filled with the people who matter most,' said Julius. 'The finest birthday parties I have attended were never about inviting the most famous faces. They were about celebrating with close friends and family. 'There is sometimes a temptation to invite people because of who they are rather than the part they play in your life, but birthdays should always be personal before they are fashionable.'Lady Mary Charteris Lady Mary Charteris celebrated her 39th birthday at the penthouse of a trendy bar in Shoreditch, London, as the niece of designer Daphne Guinness marked the occasion in styleLady Mary Charteris celebrated her 39th birthday at the penthouse of a trendy bar in Shoreditch, London, as the niece of designer Daphne Guinness marked the occasion in style. The guest list for the model's party included Rita Ora's filmmaker husband, Taika Waititi, socialite Poppy Delevingne, and entrepreneur Jessica Clarke. Documenting the event on Instagram, Lady Mary, who is the daughter of James Charteris, 13th Earl of Wemyss and 9th Earl of March, and the Hon Catherine Ingrid Guinness, posted a romantic video with her husband Robbie Furze. She also shared pictures of herself posing with an extravagant gold cake that featured an iced figurine of herself on the DJ decks in a nod to her profession. Reflecting on Lady Mary's party in trendy east London, Julius said: 'The best birthday celebrations allow people to put their phones away, enjoy each other's company and simply be present.' A celebrity guest list, expensive bubbly, and high-end catering are all key to a high society soiree, but 'the best birthday celebrations allow people to put their phones away'. 'Those are the occasions people remember long after the candles have been blown out,' Julius added. Emma Thynn While Emma Thynn, the Marchioness of Bath, did not document her birthday party, the socialite shared a short video of her changing into her glamorous gold gown on Instagram to publicly mark the occasion Julius said: 'From an etiquette point of view, if a celebration begins to feel more about the host than the guests, I think something has been lost'While Emma Thynn, the Marchioness of Bath, did not document her birthday party, the socialite shared a short video of her changing into her glamorous gold gown on Instagram to publicly mark the occasion. Julius said: 'One should always remember that hosting a birthday carries the same responsibilities as hosting a dinner party.'A good host does not spend the evening making themselves the centre of attention. They spend it ensuring everyone else is enjoying themselves.'From an etiquette point of view, if a celebration begins to feel more about the host than the guests, I think something has been lost.'Tamara Ecclestone Tamara Ecclestone's 42nd birthday celebration was a family affair from start to finish, with her younger sister Petra posting pictures of the intimate party on social media Decor included bunting with cutouts of Tamara's face, wooden cutlery, and a floral green tablecloth, as Julius said: 'It feels personal, warm and centred on family'Tamara Ecclestone's 42nd birthday celebration was a family affair from start to finish, with her younger sister Petra posting pictures of the intimate party on social media. One photo showed the heiress dressed casually, in a pair of shorts, a hoodie, and baseball cap, as she cut her cake, while another gave fans a closer look at the personalised decor for the event. Tamara's friends and family gathered for a birthday meal at a picnic table, set up under a bright yellow canopy. Decor included bunting with cutouts of Tamara's face, wooden cutlery, and a floral green tablecloth, as Julius said: 'It feels personal, warm and centred on family.' 'Personally, I find it rather tacky when birthdays become photoshoots,' he continued. 'A celebration should never feel like a publicity event. That is not to say birthdays should never appear in magazines. There is, however, a considerable difference between recording a celebration afterwards and creating one for the cameras.'