When Lindsey Graham died earlier this month, my Instagram feed was flooded with content creators and comedians giving their takes on the homophobic and allegedly closeted senator from South Carolina. In a viral post titled “Eulogy for a Horny Hypocrite,” trans author and former sex worker Jesse James Rose claimed that before she transitioned, she had been hired by Graham for the kinkiest of sex acts. Many of my queer mutuals reposted her story. Not because it’d been verified, but because Rose was touching on a concept that resonated deeply with many of us: Sometimes, the people who hurt us most are the ones who hate the part of themselves we represent.Graham’s death reignited conversations about the many secretly (and supposedly) gay conservatives who actively harm the queer community by legislating against our rights. But in the midst of all these queer people opining on Graham’s assumed gayness, there were other posts that felt a bit more complicated — namely, straight friends reposting things about all these conservatives who may have been getting it in behind closed doors while spewing anti-queer rhetoric in public.Other straight people with massive followings, some of whom represent liberal politics, were also weighing in on the conversation. In a recent podcast interview, Hunter Biden claimed that there was something worse than an oligarchy: a “closetocracy” of angry gay men who had infiltrated our government. To me, these types of comments from straight people, while entertaining and even well-meaning, miss the mark. It feels as if they’re laughing at the fact that someone they think is evil is also secretly gay and should be ridiculed for it. Queer people have a right to heckle people who are actively jeopardizing our lives and well-being. ... To my well-meaning straight allies: Just stand by us.The concept of the “closetocracy” Hunter Biden speaks of isn’t shocking. We’ve known that queer people are everywhere, and have been since the dawn of time. But while some straight people might think that calling out hypocrisy equates to advocating for queer people, it sometimes comes across as morally superior instead.A recent essay published in LGBTQ Nation addressed the uneasiness of people taking joy in outing conservative politicians. The author, Faefyx Collington, points out that “anti-LGBTQ+ policies pushed by these politicians are abhorrent, but insinuating that they’re gay because you don’t like them hurts us all.” I largely agree with this sentiment, with one important caveat.While straight folks should be a little more cautious about partaking in these types of jokes, I actually do think queer people have a right to heckle people who are actively jeopardizing our lives and well-being. In fact, it’s part of a long tradition. ACT UP, an activist group instrumental to advancing treatment for HIV/AIDS, has an illustrious history of heckling and outing anti-gay politicians. It’s important for our communities to make it difficult and uncomfortable for people to harm us. In this instance, shaming serves a practical purpose. While deeply confrontational, ACT UP’s actions ultimately come from a place of community preservation — and not simply make someone’s queerness the butt of a joke. To me, that makes all the difference. Who gets to make fun of closeted politicians and how they do it matters. We don’t want to inadvertently perpetuate homophobic sentiments we claim to reject. To my well-meaning straight allies: Just stand by us. Listen to the queer people who are talking about how these closeted politicians make us feel, because when we make fun of Lindsey Graham-types for being secretly gay, we’re getting at something much deeper than who he might’ve been sleeping with. RelatedLGBTQLindsey Grahamsexual orientationQueer VoicesPolitics